Bullying… My story

Hello everyone!

From the title, you can obviously assume that I am going to talk about bullying but not just in general but my story. My experience and what I went through. I have thought about writing this post for so long now but bullying is so close to my heart and I think there are still so many open wounds from the bullying that I wasn’t sure if I would be able to make it through this and be able to speak about my experience. It is something so personal and raw I didn’t think I would be able to share my story. However, I know bullying unfortunately is such a common thing that almost everyone goes through that I wanted to share my story in hope that it will help, inspire or give you advice on how to cope and deal with bullying. If I knew now, what I had known then, I for sure would have dealt with the situation so much better.

Before I start I want to apologise if this isn’t the most coherent piece of writing that I have ever written. Speaking about something so serious and personal can be hard and just leave you with a lot of mixed emotions which don’t really make sense together but that is how I feel. I especially felt it was fitting to write this post this week because it has been mental illness awareness week and mental illnesses again is something I believe so passionately about and wish there was more done to help people. I wish we lived in a society where we could openly discuss how we are feeling without any fear of judgement and we could seek help to look after our minds because it is so important! I am mentioning this because the side effects of bullying can lead to mental illness issues and I just want to be just one of many people to say you are not alone, most people will go through something similar in their life and there are plenty of services to help you. Don’t feel like you are alone.

Bullying… as most of you will know or have experienced, bullying is cruel and vicious. It isolates you and makes you feel so lonely. Even though the bullying stopped about 2 years ago now one person left school, the side effects of what the bullying did to me remain. That’s partly my fault because I never sought help to deal with what I went through but I know the reason I am how I am is because of other reasons and things that happened in my life and I know I need to sort them out and I will, I am just taking it at my own pace.  My point is the pain and feelings, thoughts and deluded perceptions of yourself which the bullies make you have just don’t vanish. They just don’t disappear. They stick with you and when people have told you for so long something about yourself, it really does become engrained in you and it’s hard to change your mindset.

Anyway…this is my story. So, the earliest I can remember the bullying starting was when I was around 6/7. I was in my last year at Infant school because for me I went to infant school, a separate junior school and then onto secondary school. Also, I want to point out that names won’t be mentioned throughout this because as much as I hate what they did to me and always will and I know respecting their privacy is the correct thing to do.

Up until this point I had always enjoyed school and was the happiest little girl ever. I enjoyed being at school and participating in class and I had the biggest dreams and ambitions. Some days I couldn’t wait to go to school. That soon got turned upside down. Over the next 10 years of my school life I didn’t share that enthusiasm and dreaded going.

You see in my last year of infant school I had just lost my best friend that I had known forever because her brother and my brother were bests friends so we were always around each other from a young age, but she moved away and my best friend was gone. It was no longer me and her anymore, it was just me. I was now alone. The same year a new girl started at our school and I got asked to make her feel welcome and show her how things were done. We never really got on and safe to say she never liked me. Anyway, the bullying started when this guy in my class started being friends with me because he now noticed I sat on my own at dinner. Anyway, things started off great and we got on so well. I now had a friend to play with at break and lunch time. The other children didn’t see it that way and automatically started making fun of me. The rumours kept spreading until one day this guy no longer wanted to be my friend anymore and just ignored me all day every day. I had lost my friend again. Since he was no longer my friend now though I assumed they would stop saying stuff and spreading rumours but I couldn’t have been more wrong. They didn’t! It just got worse. Now they went from spreading rumours to getting me into trouble in class by blaming things on me that wasn’t fault and they hadn’t done so they didn’t get in trouble. I spent the most part of my last year at infant school very miserable and very lonely, often getting told off for things I hadn’t done and missing out.  Safe to say I couldn’t wait for summer!

Summer end and I was so excited to start a new school… or so I thought. That was until I found that those people who had spent the last year of infant school misery for me were my class. I was sure that I was in for another year of hell and I wasn’t wrong. What I didn’t know then though that things weren’t going to get better for some time. Again, I spent most of my time on my own pretending that I didn’t hear the pathetic rumours that were being spread about me, even though I did and they started to bother me.  When I was, younger I use to love maths, although my love for maths has certainly faded over the years. It was the only thing I was good at, or so I thought. I didn’t think I was sporty, or musically talented or could write a fantastic story but maths just came naturally to me.  Every week we would have a timetables challenge and if you got 100% the following week you would get a harder set of questions. Our teachers use to compete with us to show us how quick we would be able to do them one day. I remember one week I practised so hard, I must have done the sheet at least 100 times at home because I wanted to be the best and that week I ended finishing first, even before the teacher and they were 100% right. At the time I was so happy, now of course I know the teacher probably wasn’t even trying, but at the time it really reassured me that I was good at something. Little did I know I just started something else for the bullies to talk about. Soon I was a ‘nerd’ or a ‘geek’ or a ‘teacher’s pet’ and at the time it was awful. Now you know I don’t mind being called a nerd or a geek, for me it’s great trait, but 7/8-year-old me didn’t feel that way, especially since they were being malicious about it. For the rest of the year, that along with whatever other rumour they felt like spreading was he rest of my first year at junior school.

So, year four came around and I started thinking things would be different. The others were now in the opposite class and we had a girl transfer and I thought this could be my chance to make friends. Luckily for me we did, or so I thought. I now had a friend in the playground and didn’t wander around alone. Things started off great but then she got a boyfriend and the is boy just wasn’t nice and especially wasn’t nice to me. Soon lunches together turned into lunches alone and breaks together turned into breaks alone. I was back where I had started – alone. Then they broke up and then she wanted to be my friend again and naïve me went along with it, until they got back together and dropped me again. This time, her boyfriend and the others turned her against me for good and she hated me for the rest of her time that school until she transferred in year 5. Now they had a group and they made it their mission to make my life hell and they did. They even convinced me (well more accurately pressured me/forced me) into giving myself a ‘chicken scratch’ to then they just used that to get me into trouble my teacher. Year 4 was still no better and I was losing hope.

Year 5 was much of the same the gang v. me. The same rumours the same ‘your fat’, ‘your ugly’, ‘no one likes you’, ‘no one wants to be your friend’ and to make it worse it the seating plan for one of the classes I got seated next to one of the bullies and for tidy time I got partnered with another one of them. I just couldn’t escape.  Nothing changed.

Year 6 and my last year at this crappy place before going somewhere new and I couldn’t wait. Nothing really changed except now they started bullying me for my chess club. I had played in chess club since year 3 and always finished top but year 6 I finished top with zero defeats. A perfectly clean record. I was thrilled. Obviously, that was something to use against me. I started puberty at age 11 in year 6 and if they hadn’t made me conscious enough by telling me I was fat and ugly, they sure did when that happened. I am pretty sure I had never felt so uncomfortable in my life so far than when changing for PE and they make remarks about my boobs starting to appear or getting hips and a bum. I definitely hated the way I looked and although I would never cry in front of them they sure did make me cry. I think the worse was when they told this boy that I would go out with him and wanted to kiss him when I really didn’t. I felt so mean and terrible having to tell him the truth and just like they wanted he no longer liked me or wanted to speak to me. It seemed like I couldn’t have any friends.

So that summed up my junior school experience. I am pretty sure I hated every moment of it. I was always alone, never allowed to join in any games with anyone or sit with anyone. A few friends came and went just as quick and I was left feeling rather miserable, lonely and hating the way I looked. The once happy, confident me was nowhere to be seen. She had gone and perhaps gone forever.

So, summer ended and then came around secondary school. I was beyond excited to be going to ‘big school’ as everyone called it and to forget about the miseries of junior school. This was going to be a fresh start. A new place, new people and a new start or at least that is what I had hoped for. In my tutor group, there were a few people from my old school which I knew but we most definitely didn’t get along. For some reason, they hated me and I didn’t know why. Now I must point out I was nervous for starting school. I was scared to be in an environment with lots of people who I didn’t know and who could have potentially judged me and hated me the same as people had done in junior school.  Things started off well to be honest. I made some friends and I had people to sit with at lunch and break. I had friends in classes too. Things may have just started to improve. People even had crushes on me and asked me out which I kindly declined because I was interested in guys or those pretend relationships you have at that age. However, because I wasn’t allowed out my friends began to become closer and closer but without me. I was left behind and although occasionally we spoke things weren’t the same. I was lost once more.

Oh, I forgot to mention my childhood best friend came to that school too and it was so nice to see a familiar face but has five years had passed she now had her own friends. It was nice to have someone smile at you in the corridor.  Other than being really lonely, there wasn’t any major bullying in year 7. I somehow managed to avoid it and I don’t know how really but I was glad I did. Of course, in the changing rooms I would hide in corner and turn away because I was embarrassed about my body. That never changed. Year 7 wasn’t too bad at all.

Year 8 was a completely different story. This was the first time I had got cyber bullied and I remember feeling so sick and upset when I did. It was awful. Basically, I sat with two girls I had made in my tutor group at tutor time and one them was in my classes so we sat together and we started spending a lot of time together and became close.  All of a sudden you began to become distant and sad. She had a lot going off at home and home life wasn’t brilliant. Anyway, one day a member of our year group saw a sonogram posted to her Facebook (it was completely innocent of her cousin or something) but started a rumour that she was pregnant. She told me and I thought she had confided in me because she trusted me and because she was scared. Naturally I told her to speak to our tutor so she could sort it out. However, that was apparently the wrong advice and this infuriated her and she got so mad at me for understanding. Anyway, to get the attention off her she made the rumour up that it was me who had posted this photo and showed everyone to embarrass her and cause all problems. Sure enough, everyone believed her. Everyone now hated me. Everywhere I went, every class I got mean comments and notes from people. Life has just taken a turn for the worst. Little did I know that they were about to get worse. Not only did she start this rumour, she then started cyber bullying to prove to everyone just how mad she was at me.  She started texting me loads of horrible messages telling me to ‘f*ck off’ and ‘to die’ and ‘that she didn’t want anything to do with me and I was horrible person who was getting everything I deserved.’ For some reason which I don’t know why, even to this day I tried to apologise and get her to be my friend but these messages kept on coming and I am became so sad. I tried hard to hold it in but one day in class someone said something and that was it. I burst into tears and fled to the toilets. I didn’t return to class until it was lesson change over because I was embarrassed. When I did, waiting there was teacher waiting and three girls. Three girls concerned about me. It was such an uplifting feeling. In the end, I ended up spilling everything and it was so nice to have four people believe me and be on my side. For once I didn’t feel alone. I had proof everything and her admitting that she had caused everything and started the rumour and I had the messages she had sent. The teacher wanted to go to the police but I didn’t. I was scared. I didn’t want my parents knowing, which they don’t and I didn’t want her to end up in trouble. I didn’t go to the police and I didn’t press charges even though people wanted me to. I didn’t. Everyone deserves another chance and everyone makes a mistake. A few weeks later she apologised and I forgave her but I never forgot what it did to me or how it made me feel. We were never the same.

Year 9 remained pretty fine. I stayed away from people after year 8. I thought I was better on my own. I didn’t want to end up in that same situation. I didn’t want to trust people. I distanced myself. It was lonely and sad but it worked. For a year, I survived. I was okay and had no drama to deal with. I was maybe somewhat happy.

Year 10 wasn’t the same. I couldn’t have two good years in a row. That was wishful thinking. Year 10. What a year!! It all started when my crush (I had liked for him years… seriously ages) had broken up with his girlfriend and started talking to me. I was scared. I didn’t want to get close because I didn’t want to get broken or hurt. As time moved on though we grew closer and he said everything I had waited years for someone to say. Turns out she was not happy about the situation and wouldn’t let him move on. She kept talking to him and twisting his mind and manipulating him and before we even got to together we argued all the time. She was there but I thought he had moved on. He hadn’t though. Trust me I didn’t know this when I got with him. Anyway, he promised everything would be okay and we got together. His ex still messaging me and trying to make me break up with him. She was always there. She didn’t move on and leave me alone. From the moment, we I started talking to him until we left in year 11 she made my life living hell. I caught up in something I never wished I had.

I don’t know what I was thinking. All I knew is that I really liked him and I wanted to be with him even though we fell out because of her almost every day. It definitely was toxic to say the least. We did have some good times and he did help me through so much too. She consistently messaged me and made my life hell. She would always send horrible messages to me and talk about me at all school. He stuck up for her and protected her. I guess when you like someone and they have manipulated her then that’s what you would do. A month in he broke up with me to be with her, but he parents didn’t agree and so he got back with me. Again, I didn’t know this until after we split up. I just know I was heartbroken when he did because I thought I loved him even though now I know I didn’t so I got back with him despite the fact that I knew people were going to talk and she was going to be mean. When we were together she would consistently post pictures of when they had been together and put ‘I love you’ or send them to me. Day by day I felt more and more lost.

The next major issues came when I was delivering my dragon’s den pitch speech. Just before I got a phone call saying he had cheated on me with her. I just remember crying in the bathroom for ages even though I needed to go on stage. I delivered my presentation and when I got back to school he tried to talk to me but I wasn’t interested. The next day my neighbour’s son has died. We were close to them. I always remember going back to them after nursery and them giving me a chocolate bar. His death made me realise life was too short to not forgive and for second chances. So, as kind as I thought I was being, in retrospect very stupid. I gave him another chance. About 6 weeks later I found out that he had cheated again with her. I was devastated. I remember leaving ICT and crying and I ended it. I hoped everything would go away but it didn’t.  She had convinced him that I was evil and I didn’t care about him and didn’t love him. She lied about me too him and turned him against me and then he said crap about me to.

Once we had broken up they got together but I begged him not to because I knew she was planning on meeting this boy. He didn’t believe me and thought I was being mean and selfish, but I was only looking out for him.  Knew what she was like. She had cheated on him so many time before which she made me swear to never to tell him, I did anyway because it right. He didn’t believe me. A couple of days later they got back together and that hurt the most. I felt so much pain. People either want you to feel everything or nothing at all – right now I was feeling everything. My heart broke. I was a mess. I cried and cried and cried for days. Cried to sleep. I didn’t eat properly. I didn’t sleep. It was a proper first crush nightmare. I was confused as to why she hated me and spread so many rumours and turned him against. I was confused as to why he hated me and didn’t believe me. A couple of days later she had already cheated and they were apart. He messaged me to say he wish we had never broken up and in tears I said it was for the best.

That should have been the end of it right? Wrong! She never stopped making my life even when we stopped speaking completely. She created Facebook statuses about me spreading rumours and lies for the whole world to see. She dedicated and askfm page to me where she ridiculed me and post the worst things imaginable. Cyber bullying part 2 had started. He tweeted about me, she messaged me asking me to die and to kill myself. She made it her mission for the next year to make my life hell. As if one wasn’t enough. She sure as hell she did.

Year 11 and the same crap continued. She didn’t stop. It kept going on and on and I was getting very sick and tired of looking on any of my social media and just seeing mean comments. I was getting tired on just constantly receiving hurtful texts. I had hit a low. Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse someone who I thought was my friend got with my ex and I pretended like I was cool with it even though I wasn’t until some of my friend overheard her and one her friends speaking in the bathroom saying that he was good for a first kiss and then she would break up with him and it would be make me jealous. I told me what was said even though I hadn’t spoken to him ages and he shot me down as always. It was true though and that happened. Someone who I thought was my friend had turned against me, he still couldn’t stand me and by telling me I had just successfully help end another one of her relationships and she just kept going.

In all honesty, I had enough. From all the cyber bullying, threats, rumours I just couldn’t take it. Every day the insults would resonate in my mind. ‘Slut’, ‘slag’, ’fat’, ‘ugly’, ‘bitch’, ’kill yourself’, ‘die.’ I just wanted to never return to school. Others had started to join in to and I just didn’t get why people didn’t like me. Again, I know I could have gone to police but I didn’t want everyone to know. I didn’t want them to know how broken I had become. I didn’t want to hurt that guy either because he had got caught up in something he shouldn’t have. I was afraid of being bullied even more for telling. So, I kept it quiet.

It lasted all year. I couldn’t wait until leavers day and to never have to see her face again. I couldn’t wait to not have to go through this. At this point other started with rumours that I was spoilt and rich which made people dislike me even more. The final thing in year 11 that did it was when a group of people decided to play a prank of me and put a condom in my blazer pocket. Then when I went in my blazer pocket and pulled that out by mistake, not knowing it was there, everyone saw and that for them confirmed the rumour I was slut. I hated life and I was so sad. I cried and cried. However, leavers came and since I haven’t had to see any of these people again.

And that’s my story. Pretty damn long I know. Sorry!!! I haven’t made it through this without crying. It has brought so many bad memories to light and made me realise just how many open wounds there are. For those who are wondering, this was my secret. I haven’t told anyone this but now I have told all of you my secret. I never told school apart from the one occasion I mentioned. I never told my family or anyone. I lived through it alone. This is the first time I have shared my secret. This was my story.

I was a victim of bullying. However, I want to be the one to tell you that things do get better and it doesn’t last forever. This has been the hardest thing I have ever written about and spoke about. Its perhaps the bravest thing too. I feel like weight has been lifted. I have never shared this and now that I have and am unsure about how people are going to react but I feel like speaking about it has helped. I am no longer carrying around 10 years of hurt and pain all to myself. I just want to point out I don’t hate anyone, that’s not who I am. I will always hate what they have done. The guy is this by the way, he is actually the sweetest, most genuine guy who got manipulated and caught up in something so bad and as soon as he was strong enough to let her go completely out his life and stand up to her manipulative ways he was gone back to the way he was and the reason I had a crush on him in the first place. Seriously there isn’t any hard feeling between us now.

I just wanted to share this story because I want you to understand you aren’t alone and people have been through it. I have and I will understand and will always listen. Also, please don’t suffer alone through it and do what I didn’t and speak out about it. Please find someone you can trust and don’t suffer in silence. I wish I hadn’t and I wish I had got help because two years later this still all haunts me and I am still dealing with consequences. It still affects me to this very day so much. It knocked my confidence more than I can tell you and because I didn’t get help and suffered through it and only now told anyone for the first time it has taken ages to build myself back up. I am getting there though. I want to be a voice to tell you that things don’t last forever and things do get better. I am who I am because of those experiences and they made me in a stronger person and I am lot wiser and more knowledgeable. As bad as everything was I wouldn’t where I am or doing what I am without all of this and I do live a pretty great life and I have so much to be thankful for. So please remember you aren’t alone, please speak up and don’t suffer in silence and it doesn’t last forever. You will get through it and be stronger. You can do it and it is okay to not be okay.

I hope this has helped in some way for someone and thank you for staying all the way to end. I know it is long! This was the hardest thing for me to do and I am so scared and nervous about the reaction but if it helps one person then it is worth it. Thank you so much!! Much love,

Lizzie x

Instagram: @thiz_is_lizzie_xx

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie

 

Kedleston Hall

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Hey lovelies!

Today I just felt like sharing a few photos from my trip to Kedleston Hall. Kedleston Hall is a lovely Eighteenth Century British Country House situated in Derbyshire. As a history student these places are of great interest to me and I love spending wonderful days out in the sun exploring these places.

As much as I am beauty and makeup addict, sometimes I just like to share my lifestyle choices, travel posts and days out. I am a very creative person and want my blog to express all aspects of me, because there is a lot more to me than just my love for beauty and makeup. My blog is also my space to be creative and create memories and a record of special days and these sorts of days are my absolute favourite and I love spending my time in the sun around these lovely houses and landscape gardens with the people I love.

I hope you enjoy seeing all aspects of my blog and enjoy these sorts of posts too. Thank you all for supporting me and my blog, I really appreciate it. Also, I had the best time at the formal dinner/ball yesterday evening and cannot wait to share a GRWM and some photos from the evening. I seriously had the most amazing time. For now, I hope you have enjoyed these photos and I want you to remember to just take some time out to do the little things in life which make you happy. Sometimes we can be so busy with life that we forget to take a step back and do what we enjoy and like I say these day trips out with my loved ones are my favourite escapes from reality.

Much love,

Lizzie X

P.S. If you want a sneak peak of my formal dinner party and what I wore, check out my instagram. I have put some photos up already although I have so many more cute ones I want to share ahah!!

Instagram: @thiz_is_lizzie_xx

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie 

Max Factor 2000 Calorie Mascara Review

Hello!

Today I am sharing with you my thoughts and opinions on the Max Factor 2000 calorie mascara. I have wanted to do some reviews for a while now but I have shied away from them. However, today I have decided to do one because we should all be welcome to share our opinions, thoughts and feelings on a product. Of course we are all different and nobody will have exactly the same thoughts and opinions as others but I find it interesting to read a wide variety of opinions and reviews before purchasing a product.

Now, first I must say I did by the mascara after seeing Emily Canham recommend it in one of her YouTube videos. It was a definitely one of those products YouTube made me buy otherwise I doubt I would have ever purchased this mascara at all. Anyway, Emily spoke highly of the mascara and her lashes looked amazing with the mascara on so I wanted to try it out and develop my own opinions.

First thing to mention is the price. The mascara when I brought it was £7.99 from Superdrug. Therefore, in terms of cost this mascara is really quite inexpensive and good drugstore price. It really is a fraction of the price of the high end mascaras so if you get along with this mascara and it works for you then this is a budget friendly option and of course just because it is drugstore does not mean the quality is any worse.

Onto reviewing the actual mascara. In all honesty I am a little mixed on this mascara. I feel like for me personally, I don’t get on too well with the product. That doesn’t mean I dislike every aspect of the product, because I don’t, just for me personally it just didn’t work on my lashes. First positive thing I would say from my experience with this mascara is that it does really lift your lashes and provide a nice curl to them. I don’t naturally have curled lashes and normally have to use an eyelash curler, however, with this mascara curling my eyelashes isn’t necessary. It really does hold a nice curl in your lashes and lift them.

My main issue with the mascara is that it just doesn’t add any volume to my lashes and I really don’t know why. I have read so many reviews with people praising the mascara for the amount of volume the mascara adds to their lashes. For some reason it just doesn’t work on my lashes. It does provide length to my lashes which I have long eyelashes anyway so I don’t necessarily need length but need volume more than anything.

To be honest, I was so disappointed and sad that it didn’t work on my lashes after reading so many great and positive reviews. However, I cannot fault the quality of the product. It doesn’t flake and it does last all day. It doesn’t smudge either.  The quality is great especially for the price. Also, it works greats on my bottom eyelashes. I have no issues using this mascara on my bottom eyelashes but unfortunately I just don’t get along with it for my top eyelashes.

So for me personally I wouldn’t repurchase this product because from my experiences with the product I have just found it doesn’t suit my lashes. I know this mascara does work really well on other people and I have seen great results on other people’s lashes so I would definitely recommend buying it and trying it out to see if it works for you. If it does I really think you have got a winner. Like I say the quality is great and it is so long lasting and super easy to apply with the wand being super easy to use. The only thing for me like I said, but is a big issue because of the formation of my lashes, is that it just doesn’t provide any insane volume to my lashes like mascaras I use do.

Thank you so much for reading this review and I hope you have enjoyed since it is something a little different. I really do want to start reviewing products more often because I find reviews and opinions are helpful especially if you want to make an informed decision when purchasing, which I most definitely like to do when it comes to makeup.  Let me know if you would like to see more review posts and let me know your opinions on this mascara if you have tried it before. I would love to know your thoughts.

Lastly, tomorrow I have a formal dinner and dance and so I would like to know if you would like to see a great ready with me for a formal occasion. I am super excited for this dinner tomorrow and I can’t wait to get ready and do my hair and makeup fancy, so please let me know if you would like to see a ‘Get ready with me for a formal occasion’ post because I think it would be so much to do!

Anyway, I will see you all very soon! Much love,

Lizzie X

P.S. please follow me on my social media. I post daily and it gives a little more detail into my life and what I get up to on a daily basis!

Instagram: @thiz_iz_lizzie_xx

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie 

A very honest and deep Q&A

Hey lovelies!

Today I have a very honest and deep Q&A! I get these sorts of questions a lot and so I finally thought I would take the time to answers. It is a different type of Q&A and a lot more personal and honest and I hope you enjoy.

  • Do you find it hard to manage blogging whilst having a part-time job and going to uni? – Simply the answer would be yes. Sometimes it can be so hard to balance my time between all three especially because being a full time-student and also my part-time job is full on. When I am break from uni I am usually working 30 hours or more at work so I am always super tired. Normally though I do manage to get a good balance between all three and manage to get in some of my own time and some socialising etc but yes it can be super hard. It is going to be so hard this next month as it is exam month! Ah – I am super stressed and worried for them!
  • What makes you feel like you can trust someone? – This one is difficult for me because I used to be a such a trusting person (naive as some may say) and just see the good in everyone and then obviously you have experiences in life and you find out not everyone is like you so now it takes a lot for me to trust someone. I would say a big thing for me is that someone can be open and honest with me. I think if I can sense that someone generally trusts me and wants to be around me and be my friends and takes a genuine interest in me then I feel like I can trust them.
  • What’s one thing you would change about yourself? – I think the one thing I would change about myself would be my thighs. I just don’t like them. They are just my least favourite part of my body but they are just fine the way the are and there is always something you aren’t completely happy with me but it’s all about embracing that and learning to love yourself flaws and anything.
  • Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert? – I would consider myself an introvert. I am very shy and I don’t have a lot of confidence speaking and being in front of people or putting myself out there. However, I have gotten a lot better, especially since moving away to university and I definitely talk to people a lot more and do things I would have never have done or been to shy to do.
  • If you could go back to to anytime in your life and change something when it would be? – Personally I am quite happy with how everything has turned out. Of course I have had some really bad times and they were so hard and sad but I have also had some fantastic times and I am one those who believes everything happens for a reason and if I would have changed something then I probably be who I am today or where I am today. With that being said If I could something different it would be secondary school years. I wish I had been so much confident and wasn’t afraid to be myself and just didn’t care what anyone else thought because I actually couldn’t wait for school to be over with. They just weren’t the most fantastic years of my life and I went through a lot and experienced a lot but like I said it has made who I am today and I am better because of it.  Of course as well there are times where I wish I had done stuff or said things and I didn’t or not said things or not done things or that I hadn’t been so scared and take more risks but then I always wonder that if I had done things differently would I be where I am today.
  • Do you believe in second chances? –  Yes I do actually. I am definitely one of those people who give second chances. I think it is always so much easier for someone to say don’t give second chances and walk away but no one is perfect and sometimes we do make mistakes and we mess up and we all deserve a second chance. I mean of course I will have my limits where I just think enough is enough and that’s not something I want to give a second chance but I am a very forgiving person and I don’t like holding so even if it is something that I don’t think I would give a second chance, I will still forgive you for it. Otherwise I will just be holding onto something I can;t let go off and that’s just unhealthy and not worth it. I definitely believe though that more than once isn’t a mistake and is now a choice they have made so I am one for second chances but not someone who gives lots of chances.
  • What did your past relationship teach you? – Not be so naive. I was a naive young person and always saw the good in everyone and didn’t really think people could be mean and thought everyone was as nice as me or had the same sort of feelings and heart as me and people really don’t. I think it just taught me to be stronger and not be as trusting and just to take things steady and not to be your trust in someone straight away.
  • What is one of the most important things you have learnt so far? – That some people are brutal and some people will do anything to see you fall and be miserable. Seriously some people can be so cruel and rude, which I seriously don’t get. I don’t get why bringing someone else down makes you feel good about yourself. I really don’t get it. I don’t get either how people can be so mean and why they feel the need to pick up on certain things or comments or judgements. It’s not any of their business most of the time and isn’t their life, so even if it isn’t something you personally don’t agree with then okay that’s fine but it’s someone else’s life and someone’s decision. I really just will never understand all the mean and rude comments people will say to you and put you through and will never understand why people say those things but I have just learnt now that some people are always going to be mean and rude and would love to see you fail and you just have to realise you’re worth more than that and you are better than those comments.
  • If 10 year old you could see you now how do you think she would feel? – I think this is hard because you don’t necessarily have a plan and don’t know where you will end up or what you will be doing. I know for sure that what I wanted to do at 10 years old I am not doing now. However, I think she would be proud of how far I have come and how I have persevered through all the challenging and difficult times. I know for sure there will be moments where she would have wished I would have done things differently and I know for sure you would be made at me, for still even to this day, not believing I can have my dreams but for the most part I think she would be proud.

Thank you so much for reading and I really hoped you have enjoyed. I will see you all very soon. Much love,

Lizzie X

P.S. leave requests in the comments or any answers to the questions but I always love finding out your answers!

Instagram: @thiz_is_lizzie_xx

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie 

G+: Elizabeth Walton

Surrounding yourself with positivity

Hello everyone!

How are you all doing today? I know I have got some hauls ready to post and I am so excited for them and so I hope you enjoy them, but today I just wanted to talk about surrounding yourself with positive people because recently, whilst I have been going through a difficult time I have truly found out who is there for me. Although, I have been going through a tough time the thing that was the hardest to go through was learning that some of my friends and the people that I surrounded myself with weren’t my friends and didn’t want what was best for me. In fact, they were just using me. It was perhaps the hardest thing to experience because I had been used by people all my life and this time I thought they were my real friends and I had been so careful in letting people in but I was wrong. None of that matters now though because I am appreciative and thankful for all the supportive and loving people around me. It’s those people that really matter. So, I just wanted to talk about the importance of surrounding yourself with positive people and how to get out of toxic relationships.

Finding out someone isn’t there for you or has been using you or anything to that extent is so incredibly hard. It will hurt you and you will upset or angry or confused and you won’t understand why someone could ever hurt you that much or what you did wrong. Chances are you did nothing wrong and it was all about the other person. Some people are selfish and just don’t care about others and their feelings.  It’s so hard when you trust someone and believe they have the same heart as you and will help you but not everyone is like you and trust me, thinking that everyone is ill leave you feeling disappointed. If you find you have people in your life who are always so negative and bringing you down and not supporting to you or lying to you then as hard as it is you’re better off without them. It is so hard not speaking to them again because you will care, just like you always have, but in the long run you will be so much better off because you don’t need that negativity and people not supporting you. You don’t need people in your life who don’t support you and believe in you. The way to succeed and be happy is surround yourself by that!

When you lose people it’s natural to feel lonely and sad but you have got to think about your future and your life. You don’t need people holding you back and telling you cannot do something. Trust me I have been there, and having the freedom to be who you and think what you want, feel what you want to is the most amazing feeling. To not feel trapped or caged or like you can’t be yourself is one of the worst things a person can feel. It’s like you’re suffocating yourself and surrounding yourself with negative people will only do the same. They will suffocate you with deluded perception of yourself and constantly bring yourself down. Believing in yourself is more than half the battle won. Surrounding yourself with positive people will make believing in yourself so much easier because they see your worth and your talents, your strength and beauty, all the wonderful things we, as humans, sometimes are incapable of seeing. It’s those people that make your life special and important and it’s those people you need in your life not the ones who wish to bring you down.

Another reason it is important to keep those close to you who love and support you is because they help you in times of need. As much as we all like to think we are independent and we can manage our problems on our own, sometimes we can’t and having a great support network will provide fantastic coping mechanisms for your problems. Real relationships containing people who really care about you will not let you go through problems by yourself.  They will support you and help you best you can and make sure you don’t feel alone, in sometimes the hardest and darkest of times.

I suppose to finish this section on surrounding yourself with positivity and great people is to talk about how you know if someone is there for you. Well if you surround yourself with the right people then you will never feel like a burden or problem and issue to those people. Those people will always want the best for you and encourage you to reach your full potential. They love and support everything about and wants what best for you.  The people you want in your life are those sorts of people and no the ones who use you and lie to you and make you feel so worthless. Thankfully now I have realised how wrong about some of the people in my life and now they are gone I can finally move on and not be held back anymore and be who I am and know that those around me support me and my decisions.

Not everyone in your life is meant to stay and some just enter to teach you some very important lessons. Don’t allow for people to make you feel worthless or like you or aren’t anything important and won’t achieve anything because t’s not true and you can be only be good as the people you allow to surround yourself with and you can only achieve what you have the confidence to pursue. Don’t let them take that away from you and surround yourself with positivity and optimism.

Thank you so much for allowing me to express myself and to just can talk about what is on my mind. I hope this helps some of you in some way. I know as a child I struggled to find someone who was willing to stay in my life and accept me and didn’t just use me for one thing or another and somehow, I thought that became easier as you got older but it doesn’t. There’s all sorts of people in all walks of life and there are some who dying to see you fail so just don’t give them the satisfaction. Remain strong and those people who love will love everything about you and you will never have to change for them and they are the ones who are going to support you and they are the ones to keep close and dear to your heart. I love you all and I will see you very soon.

Lizzie X

Instagram: @thiz_is_lizzie_xx

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie

G+: ElizabethWalton

Confidence Q&A

Hello!

I hope you are all doing well and today I have another Q&A post all about confidence. I am really keen to promote confidence and help improve people’s self-esteem because I know that we should all respect and love ourselves. We should all believe in our abilities and be confident people!

  • What does confidence mean to you? –  For me confidence is about belief, respect and trust for yourself and as a consequence happiness. Confidence is not about always being in situations which are easy or ones which don’t challenge you but being in situations which do scare and test you but you make it through because you believed in yourself and your abilities.  Being confident is knowing your strengths but not being afraid of your flaws or weaknesses. It’s about having courage to be different and original rather than copying everyone else because that is the consensus and it’s about seeing the worth, value and skills you have. Confidence is having a strong and positive mindset and knowing that you don’t have to perfect to be inspiring but people are inspired by your ability to accept your imperfections and to love and respect yourself regardless. Confidence is believing in yourself when no one else does and not having the need to compare yourself to anyone else , because at the end of the day no one can make you feel inferior unless you let them!
  • When was a time in your life you were confident? What did that feel like? –  Erm since moving away t university I have become so much more confident! I was forced into a situation where I needed to make new friends and adapt to a new way of life and be independent and it has being a great thing for me! I have found the loveliest friends and met the nicest people and now I am confident with who I am. I take care of myself more and balance my lifestyle and I am generally a much happier person. When I am happy I feel better about myself and don’t even feel the need to compare myself with anyone else.  Starting university was definitely a turning point for me and a fresh start. I am doing great now and I couldn’t be happier with things.
  • When was a time in your life you were NOT confident? What caused that to happen? – This one is easy for me… secondary school/high school! I was so timid and so uncomfortable with who I was. I was bullied a lot and had a rough time of things and so I just didn’t feel good about myself and I wasn’t confident. I never believed in myself or my own abilities and always had the attitude of ‘I can’t do that’ even though I definitely could! School for me just wasn’t all that easy and I was surrounded by the wrong people a lot of the time who didn’t want the best for me and wanted to see me suffer and be miserable. I also just felt like I didn’t fit in and I wasn’t similar to anyone else. However, when I left school and got out into the world more and started working and university I saw there was a lot more to life and there were so many nice people who do love, support and want the best for you.
  • Would you call yourself a confident person? Why or why not? Is it situational? – I would definitely say my confidence is situational! If I am doing something which scares me or something out of my comfort zone then I am definitely less sure of my abilities and less confident. Also, when I am having a bad day or thing so wrong, I always question myself and my abilities more and I am far a less confident.
  • What is one specific thing you do that helps you like yourself and your life? – This is two things they are inter-linked so it technically only counts as one thing but it would be to eat healthily and exercise. I always feel so much better about myself if I know I am taking care of my body and looking after myself. Also, exercising I am sure you are aware, releases endorphins which makes you feel happier. I always find I am my most confident when I am happy and content with how things are going and when I know I am taking care of my body and health.
  • What is one specific thing you do that undermines your self-worth and causes you to not like yourself or your life? – Erm I would say I am my own worst critic. I am so self-critical and hard on myself that I don’t think other people’s words could ever match! When things aren’t going well or I am just in a bad mood then my confidence and self-worth suffers because I take it out on myself!
  • Do you compare yourself to others and how does this impact your confidence? – I used to be TERRIBLE for this and compare myself to every other single girl and I think that was because I was so insecure because of things which had happened in the past but I have gotten a lot better at this.  I don’t compare myself to other people no where near as much as what I use to. I mean I would lying if I said I never did because I do occasionally and I definitely feel a lot worse about myself and far more insecure about my body after I have compared myself to someone else. That is why I try and not compare myself because you have to remember everyone is different and you’re beautiful in your own way.
  • What’s your advice to someone who wants to boost their self-esteem? – Number one things to stop doing is comparing yourself to others!!!! Seriously! It doesn’t help you in anyway but only makes you focus on your flaws, insecurities and imperfections. The more you can become comfortable around others and not judging yourself again others the more you will be confident and comfortable within your own skin.  Also, take care of yourself. De-stress, relax, eat well and exercise. Balance your lifestyle. As difficult as that may be and you will see that taking care of yourself will and respecting and loving your body improves your confidence. Lastly have faith in your abilities!! Don’t let anyone else make you feel like you aren’t good enough or that your worth less than someone else, because you aren’t. Every little achievement and success should be celebrated no matter how small but all those little things go together towards building your confidence.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have enjoyed! I hope this has in some way helped one of you or provoked some thought to think a little differently about yourself and being confidence. Let me know what makes you feel confident and happy or how you have got over difficult times! I will see you soon, much love,

Lizzie X

Bold Lip Makeup Tutorial

PicMonkey Image

 

Hello lovelies!

Today I have another makeup tutorial to share with you and just something a little bit different, slightly edgy and I thought it would fun to play around with my makeup and go for something a bit more daring. As always I am not a professional makeup artist and this is just how I like to do my makeup, but if you do have any tips, tricks or recommendations then feel free to leave them in the comments. It’s always good to learn and develop new knowledge. Anyway lets get into it!

  • First thing I did was moisturise my face with some Aveeno moisturise and then I applied my Elizabeth Arden Flawless Finish Bare perfection foundation in the shade 26 Buff and blended that in with a Zoeva buffer brush.
  • Next I applied the Collection Lasting Perfection in the shade 2 cool medium to any blemishes and in the shade 1 Fair under my eyes. I blended this out with my Real Techniques Miracle Sponge.
  • To set that makeup I used the Rimmel Stay Matte Powder in 001 Transparent and took a Zoeva powder brush to brush that across my face focusing on my T-zone which gets oily first.
  • To contour I used my new Sleek palette in the shade medium and I just used my fingers to apply shade 6 to hollows of my cheeks and also for my jawline. I then applied shade 5 to my forehead. To make sure that it was all blended out evenly I just took an Estee Lauder brush (I think it’s a blush one…oops) and blended out all my contour.
  • Next to highlight I just used my Collection highlight out of the highlight and sculpt kit and used a Zoeva 129 Fan brush to apply to my cheekbones and cupid bow.
  • With face make-up complete I used the Too Faced Chocolate Bar Palette and took the shade Semi-Sweet on a Zoeva Brow line brush and filled in my brows.
  • The next thing I was apply some mascara. The mascara I used was the L’Oreal False Lash Superstar X Fibre. I love this mascara. It’s incredible. It does take a while because it is a two step mascara but it’s still great. You all know I am a fan of L’Oreal mascaras. Anyway, that was all I did for eyes. I just wanted to keep them simple because I was doing a bold lip instead.
  • So onto the lips. I used a MAC lipliner in the shade whirl to line and fill in my lips. Then to complete the luck I actually used my Stila Coconut Crush Lip and Cheek stain. I haven’t really used this product and the application was not that easy because I was unsure what to do, however, the result looked nice and I was impressed with the pigment.  It definitely achieved the bold lip I was going for!

That was my makeup complete! It wasn’t anything too fancy and it only took my around 10-15 minutes to complete. I liked this look because it was something different for me and was a little edgy especially since I styled it with a choker, and a white cold shoulder top with ripped, black, high-waisted skinny jeans. I just thought this all added to vibe and I curled my hair to go with the outfit. Overall, I was impressed with the look and enjoyed wearing something a little.

I hope you have all enjoyed, even though I know this won’t be everyone’s preferred look. I just fancied experimenting and doing a tutorial which was a little different! Let me know in the comments what you thought and if you have any other makeup looks you would like to see me re-create! Thank you so much!! Much love as always,

Lizzie X

P.S. GUYS I NOW HAVE HIT 2,500 FOLLOWERS!!! WHAT??? THAT’S CRAZY!! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!