Bullying… My story

Hello everyone!

From the title, you can obviously assume that I am going to talk about bullying but not just in general but my story. My experience and what I went through. I have thought about writing this post for so long now but bullying is so close to my heart and I think there are still so many open wounds from the bullying that I wasn’t sure if I would be able to make it through this and be able to speak about my experience. It is something so personal and raw I didn’t think I would be able to share my story. However, I know bullying unfortunately is such a common thing that almost everyone goes through that I wanted to share my story in hope that it will help, inspire or give you advice on how to cope and deal with bullying. If I knew now, what I had known then, I for sure would have dealt with the situation so much better.

Before I start I want to apologise if this isn’t the most coherent piece of writing that I have ever written. Speaking about something so serious and personal can be hard and just leave you with a lot of mixed emotions which don’t really make sense together but that is how I feel. I especially felt it was fitting to write this post this week because it has been mental illness awareness week and mental illnesses again is something I believe so passionately about and wish there was more done to help people. I wish we lived in a society where we could openly discuss how we are feeling without any fear of judgement and we could seek help to look after our minds because it is so important! I am mentioning this because the side effects of bullying can lead to mental illness issues and I just want to be just one of many people to say you are not alone, most people will go through something similar in their life and there are plenty of services to help you. Don’t feel like you are alone.

Bullying… as most of you will know or have experienced, bullying is cruel and vicious. It isolates you and makes you feel so lonely. Even though the bullying stopped about 2 years ago now one person left school, the side effects of what the bullying did to me remain. That’s partly my fault because I never sought help to deal with what I went through but I know the reason I am how I am is because of other reasons and things that happened in my life and I know I need to sort them out and I will, I am just taking it at my own pace.  My point is the pain and feelings, thoughts and deluded perceptions of yourself which the bullies make you have just don’t vanish. They just don’t disappear. They stick with you and when people have told you for so long something about yourself, it really does become engrained in you and it’s hard to change your mindset.

Anyway…this is my story. So, the earliest I can remember the bullying starting was when I was around 6/7. I was in my last year at Infant school because for me I went to infant school, a separate junior school and then onto secondary school. Also, I want to point out that names won’t be mentioned throughout this because as much as I hate what they did to me and always will and I know respecting their privacy is the correct thing to do.

Up until this point I had always enjoyed school and was the happiest little girl ever. I enjoyed being at school and participating in class and I had the biggest dreams and ambitions. Some days I couldn’t wait to go to school. That soon got turned upside down. Over the next 10 years of my school life I didn’t share that enthusiasm and dreaded going.

You see in my last year of infant school I had just lost my best friend that I had known forever because her brother and my brother were bests friends so we were always around each other from a young age, but she moved away and my best friend was gone. It was no longer me and her anymore, it was just me. I was now alone. The same year a new girl started at our school and I got asked to make her feel welcome and show her how things were done. We never really got on and safe to say she never liked me. Anyway, the bullying started when this guy in my class started being friends with me because he now noticed I sat on my own at dinner. Anyway, things started off great and we got on so well. I now had a friend to play with at break and lunch time. The other children didn’t see it that way and automatically started making fun of me. The rumours kept spreading until one day this guy no longer wanted to be my friend anymore and just ignored me all day every day. I had lost my friend again. Since he was no longer my friend now though I assumed they would stop saying stuff and spreading rumours but I couldn’t have been more wrong. They didn’t! It just got worse. Now they went from spreading rumours to getting me into trouble in class by blaming things on me that wasn’t fault and they hadn’t done so they didn’t get in trouble. I spent the most part of my last year at infant school very miserable and very lonely, often getting told off for things I hadn’t done and missing out.  Safe to say I couldn’t wait for summer!

Summer end and I was so excited to start a new school… or so I thought. That was until I found that those people who had spent the last year of infant school misery for me were my class. I was sure that I was in for another year of hell and I wasn’t wrong. What I didn’t know then though that things weren’t going to get better for some time. Again, I spent most of my time on my own pretending that I didn’t hear the pathetic rumours that were being spread about me, even though I did and they started to bother me.  When I was, younger I use to love maths, although my love for maths has certainly faded over the years. It was the only thing I was good at, or so I thought. I didn’t think I was sporty, or musically talented or could write a fantastic story but maths just came naturally to me.  Every week we would have a timetables challenge and if you got 100% the following week you would get a harder set of questions. Our teachers use to compete with us to show us how quick we would be able to do them one day. I remember one week I practised so hard, I must have done the sheet at least 100 times at home because I wanted to be the best and that week I ended finishing first, even before the teacher and they were 100% right. At the time I was so happy, now of course I know the teacher probably wasn’t even trying, but at the time it really reassured me that I was good at something. Little did I know I just started something else for the bullies to talk about. Soon I was a ‘nerd’ or a ‘geek’ or a ‘teacher’s pet’ and at the time it was awful. Now you know I don’t mind being called a nerd or a geek, for me it’s great trait, but 7/8-year-old me didn’t feel that way, especially since they were being malicious about it. For the rest of the year, that along with whatever other rumour they felt like spreading was he rest of my first year at junior school.

So, year four came around and I started thinking things would be different. The others were now in the opposite class and we had a girl transfer and I thought this could be my chance to make friends. Luckily for me we did, or so I thought. I now had a friend in the playground and didn’t wander around alone. Things started off great but then she got a boyfriend and the is boy just wasn’t nice and especially wasn’t nice to me. Soon lunches together turned into lunches alone and breaks together turned into breaks alone. I was back where I had started – alone. Then they broke up and then she wanted to be my friend again and naïve me went along with it, until they got back together and dropped me again. This time, her boyfriend and the others turned her against me for good and she hated me for the rest of her time that school until she transferred in year 5. Now they had a group and they made it their mission to make my life hell and they did. They even convinced me (well more accurately pressured me/forced me) into giving myself a ‘chicken scratch’ to then they just used that to get me into trouble my teacher. Year 4 was still no better and I was losing hope.

Year 5 was much of the same the gang v. me. The same rumours the same ‘your fat’, ‘your ugly’, ‘no one likes you’, ‘no one wants to be your friend’ and to make it worse it the seating plan for one of the classes I got seated next to one of the bullies and for tidy time I got partnered with another one of them. I just couldn’t escape.  Nothing changed.

Year 6 and my last year at this crappy place before going somewhere new and I couldn’t wait. Nothing really changed except now they started bullying me for my chess club. I had played in chess club since year 3 and always finished top but year 6 I finished top with zero defeats. A perfectly clean record. I was thrilled. Obviously, that was something to use against me. I started puberty at age 11 in year 6 and if they hadn’t made me conscious enough by telling me I was fat and ugly, they sure did when that happened. I am pretty sure I had never felt so uncomfortable in my life so far than when changing for PE and they make remarks about my boobs starting to appear or getting hips and a bum. I definitely hated the way I looked and although I would never cry in front of them they sure did make me cry. I think the worse was when they told this boy that I would go out with him and wanted to kiss him when I really didn’t. I felt so mean and terrible having to tell him the truth and just like they wanted he no longer liked me or wanted to speak to me. It seemed like I couldn’t have any friends.

So that summed up my junior school experience. I am pretty sure I hated every moment of it. I was always alone, never allowed to join in any games with anyone or sit with anyone. A few friends came and went just as quick and I was left feeling rather miserable, lonely and hating the way I looked. The once happy, confident me was nowhere to be seen. She had gone and perhaps gone forever.

So, summer ended and then came around secondary school. I was beyond excited to be going to ‘big school’ as everyone called it and to forget about the miseries of junior school. This was going to be a fresh start. A new place, new people and a new start or at least that is what I had hoped for. In my tutor group, there were a few people from my old school which I knew but we most definitely didn’t get along. For some reason, they hated me and I didn’t know why. Now I must point out I was nervous for starting school. I was scared to be in an environment with lots of people who I didn’t know and who could have potentially judged me and hated me the same as people had done in junior school.  Things started off well to be honest. I made some friends and I had people to sit with at lunch and break. I had friends in classes too. Things may have just started to improve. People even had crushes on me and asked me out which I kindly declined because I was interested in guys or those pretend relationships you have at that age. However, because I wasn’t allowed out my friends began to become closer and closer but without me. I was left behind and although occasionally we spoke things weren’t the same. I was lost once more.

Oh, I forgot to mention my childhood best friend came to that school too and it was so nice to see a familiar face but has five years had passed she now had her own friends. It was nice to have someone smile at you in the corridor.  Other than being really lonely, there wasn’t any major bullying in year 7. I somehow managed to avoid it and I don’t know how really but I was glad I did. Of course, in the changing rooms I would hide in corner and turn away because I was embarrassed about my body. That never changed. Year 7 wasn’t too bad at all.

Year 8 was a completely different story. This was the first time I had got cyber bullied and I remember feeling so sick and upset when I did. It was awful. Basically, I sat with two girls I had made in my tutor group at tutor time and one them was in my classes so we sat together and we started spending a lot of time together and became close.  All of a sudden you began to become distant and sad. She had a lot going off at home and home life wasn’t brilliant. Anyway, one day a member of our year group saw a sonogram posted to her Facebook (it was completely innocent of her cousin or something) but started a rumour that she was pregnant. She told me and I thought she had confided in me because she trusted me and because she was scared. Naturally I told her to speak to our tutor so she could sort it out. However, that was apparently the wrong advice and this infuriated her and she got so mad at me for understanding. Anyway, to get the attention off her she made the rumour up that it was me who had posted this photo and showed everyone to embarrass her and cause all problems. Sure enough, everyone believed her. Everyone now hated me. Everywhere I went, every class I got mean comments and notes from people. Life has just taken a turn for the worst. Little did I know that they were about to get worse. Not only did she start this rumour, she then started cyber bullying to prove to everyone just how mad she was at me.  She started texting me loads of horrible messages telling me to ‘f*ck off’ and ‘to die’ and ‘that she didn’t want anything to do with me and I was horrible person who was getting everything I deserved.’ For some reason which I don’t know why, even to this day I tried to apologise and get her to be my friend but these messages kept on coming and I am became so sad. I tried hard to hold it in but one day in class someone said something and that was it. I burst into tears and fled to the toilets. I didn’t return to class until it was lesson change over because I was embarrassed. When I did, waiting there was teacher waiting and three girls. Three girls concerned about me. It was such an uplifting feeling. In the end, I ended up spilling everything and it was so nice to have four people believe me and be on my side. For once I didn’t feel alone. I had proof everything and her admitting that she had caused everything and started the rumour and I had the messages she had sent. The teacher wanted to go to the police but I didn’t. I was scared. I didn’t want my parents knowing, which they don’t and I didn’t want her to end up in trouble. I didn’t go to the police and I didn’t press charges even though people wanted me to. I didn’t. Everyone deserves another chance and everyone makes a mistake. A few weeks later she apologised and I forgave her but I never forgot what it did to me or how it made me feel. We were never the same.

Year 9 remained pretty fine. I stayed away from people after year 8. I thought I was better on my own. I didn’t want to end up in that same situation. I didn’t want to trust people. I distanced myself. It was lonely and sad but it worked. For a year, I survived. I was okay and had no drama to deal with. I was maybe somewhat happy.

Year 10 wasn’t the same. I couldn’t have two good years in a row. That was wishful thinking. Year 10. What a year!! It all started when my crush (I had liked for him years… seriously ages) had broken up with his girlfriend and started talking to me. I was scared. I didn’t want to get close because I didn’t want to get broken or hurt. As time moved on though we grew closer and he said everything I had waited years for someone to say. Turns out she was not happy about the situation and wouldn’t let him move on. She kept talking to him and twisting his mind and manipulating him and before we even got to together we argued all the time. She was there but I thought he had moved on. He hadn’t though. Trust me I didn’t know this when I got with him. Anyway, he promised everything would be okay and we got together. His ex still messaging me and trying to make me break up with him. She was always there. She didn’t move on and leave me alone. From the moment, we I started talking to him until we left in year 11 she made my life living hell. I caught up in something I never wished I had.

I don’t know what I was thinking. All I knew is that I really liked him and I wanted to be with him even though we fell out because of her almost every day. It definitely was toxic to say the least. We did have some good times and he did help me through so much too. She consistently messaged me and made my life hell. She would always send horrible messages to me and talk about me at all school. He stuck up for her and protected her. I guess when you like someone and they have manipulated her then that’s what you would do. A month in he broke up with me to be with her, but he parents didn’t agree and so he got back with me. Again, I didn’t know this until after we split up. I just know I was heartbroken when he did because I thought I loved him even though now I know I didn’t so I got back with him despite the fact that I knew people were going to talk and she was going to be mean. When we were together she would consistently post pictures of when they had been together and put ‘I love you’ or send them to me. Day by day I felt more and more lost.

The next major issues came when I was delivering my dragon’s den pitch speech. Just before I got a phone call saying he had cheated on me with her. I just remember crying in the bathroom for ages even though I needed to go on stage. I delivered my presentation and when I got back to school he tried to talk to me but I wasn’t interested. The next day my neighbour’s son has died. We were close to them. I always remember going back to them after nursery and them giving me a chocolate bar. His death made me realise life was too short to not forgive and for second chances. So, as kind as I thought I was being, in retrospect very stupid. I gave him another chance. About 6 weeks later I found out that he had cheated again with her. I was devastated. I remember leaving ICT and crying and I ended it. I hoped everything would go away but it didn’t.  She had convinced him that I was evil and I didn’t care about him and didn’t love him. She lied about me too him and turned him against me and then he said crap about me to.

Once we had broken up they got together but I begged him not to because I knew she was planning on meeting this boy. He didn’t believe me and thought I was being mean and selfish, but I was only looking out for him.  Knew what she was like. She had cheated on him so many time before which she made me swear to never to tell him, I did anyway because it right. He didn’t believe me. A couple of days later they got back together and that hurt the most. I felt so much pain. People either want you to feel everything or nothing at all – right now I was feeling everything. My heart broke. I was a mess. I cried and cried and cried for days. Cried to sleep. I didn’t eat properly. I didn’t sleep. It was a proper first crush nightmare. I was confused as to why she hated me and spread so many rumours and turned him against. I was confused as to why he hated me and didn’t believe me. A couple of days later she had already cheated and they were apart. He messaged me to say he wish we had never broken up and in tears I said it was for the best.

That should have been the end of it right? Wrong! She never stopped making my life even when we stopped speaking completely. She created Facebook statuses about me spreading rumours and lies for the whole world to see. She dedicated and askfm page to me where she ridiculed me and post the worst things imaginable. Cyber bullying part 2 had started. He tweeted about me, she messaged me asking me to die and to kill myself. She made it her mission for the next year to make my life hell. As if one wasn’t enough. She sure as hell she did.

Year 11 and the same crap continued. She didn’t stop. It kept going on and on and I was getting very sick and tired of looking on any of my social media and just seeing mean comments. I was getting tired on just constantly receiving hurtful texts. I had hit a low. Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse someone who I thought was my friend got with my ex and I pretended like I was cool with it even though I wasn’t until some of my friend overheard her and one her friends speaking in the bathroom saying that he was good for a first kiss and then she would break up with him and it would be make me jealous. I told me what was said even though I hadn’t spoken to him ages and he shot me down as always. It was true though and that happened. Someone who I thought was my friend had turned against me, he still couldn’t stand me and by telling me I had just successfully help end another one of her relationships and she just kept going.

In all honesty, I had enough. From all the cyber bullying, threats, rumours I just couldn’t take it. Every day the insults would resonate in my mind. ‘Slut’, ‘slag’, ’fat’, ‘ugly’, ‘bitch’, ’kill yourself’, ‘die.’ I just wanted to never return to school. Others had started to join in to and I just didn’t get why people didn’t like me. Again, I know I could have gone to police but I didn’t want everyone to know. I didn’t want them to know how broken I had become. I didn’t want to hurt that guy either because he had got caught up in something he shouldn’t have. I was afraid of being bullied even more for telling. So, I kept it quiet.

It lasted all year. I couldn’t wait until leavers day and to never have to see her face again. I couldn’t wait to not have to go through this. At this point other started with rumours that I was spoilt and rich which made people dislike me even more. The final thing in year 11 that did it was when a group of people decided to play a prank of me and put a condom in my blazer pocket. Then when I went in my blazer pocket and pulled that out by mistake, not knowing it was there, everyone saw and that for them confirmed the rumour I was slut. I hated life and I was so sad. I cried and cried. However, leavers came and since I haven’t had to see any of these people again.

And that’s my story. Pretty damn long I know. Sorry!!! I haven’t made it through this without crying. It has brought so many bad memories to light and made me realise just how many open wounds there are. For those who are wondering, this was my secret. I haven’t told anyone this but now I have told all of you my secret. I never told school apart from the one occasion I mentioned. I never told my family or anyone. I lived through it alone. This is the first time I have shared my secret. This was my story.

I was a victim of bullying. However, I want to be the one to tell you that things do get better and it doesn’t last forever. This has been the hardest thing I have ever written about and spoke about. Its perhaps the bravest thing too. I feel like weight has been lifted. I have never shared this and now that I have and am unsure about how people are going to react but I feel like speaking about it has helped. I am no longer carrying around 10 years of hurt and pain all to myself. I just want to point out I don’t hate anyone, that’s not who I am. I will always hate what they have done. The guy is this by the way, he is actually the sweetest, most genuine guy who got manipulated and caught up in something so bad and as soon as he was strong enough to let her go completely out his life and stand up to her manipulative ways he was gone back to the way he was and the reason I had a crush on him in the first place. Seriously there isn’t any hard feeling between us now.

I just wanted to share this story because I want you to understand you aren’t alone and people have been through it. I have and I will understand and will always listen. Also, please don’t suffer alone through it and do what I didn’t and speak out about it. Please find someone you can trust and don’t suffer in silence. I wish I hadn’t and I wish I had got help because two years later this still all haunts me and I am still dealing with consequences. It still affects me to this very day so much. It knocked my confidence more than I can tell you and because I didn’t get help and suffered through it and only now told anyone for the first time it has taken ages to build myself back up. I am getting there though. I want to be a voice to tell you that things don’t last forever and things do get better. I am who I am because of those experiences and they made me in a stronger person and I am lot wiser and more knowledgeable. As bad as everything was I wouldn’t where I am or doing what I am without all of this and I do live a pretty great life and I have so much to be thankful for. So please remember you aren’t alone, please speak up and don’t suffer in silence and it doesn’t last forever. You will get through it and be stronger. You can do it and it is okay to not be okay.

I hope this has helped in some way for someone and thank you for staying all the way to end. I know it is long! This was the hardest thing for me to do and I am so scared and nervous about the reaction but if it helps one person then it is worth it. Thank you so much!! Much love,

Lizzie x

Instagram: @thiz_is_lizzie_xx

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie

 

13 Reasons Why Review…

Hello everyone!

I am pretty sure you have heard everyone raving over the series ’13 Reasons Why’ on Netflix and so I thought I would do a review post and give my opinions. I read the book for this years ago – honestly it seems like forever ago so I was so excited to hear about the release of this series. However, I was also a bit sceptical about watching it because I really wanted the series to do the book justice because it is phenomenal. Therefore, I was a little bit unsure whether to even watch it even though I was so excited when it was released. Instead I chose to hold off a bit and let the hype die down and read some reviews about it before I watched it.

So eventually, I obviously watched the series, hence why I am writing the review.  Now I am not going to lie, I actually watched the whole season in one day. I just got completely hooked and after watching one episode I was so intrigued to see how well they were going to match the plot to the book which is obviously what the whole season is based on.

For me personally I have very mixed opinions and feelings about the show. I did like the show and it so incredibly emotive and powerful and the message through the programme is  an obvious one which is so important and one which needs sharing. Teenage suicide rates increase every year but underneath that there are so many people with mental illnesses or people who are going through difficult situations and times and don’t really know who to turn to. As someone is has completed school I know how pressuring the school environment can be and sometimes it can be so suffocating and it can make dealing with your problems so much worse, especially, if like me, you unfortunately get bullied. School is hard and there are definitely some challenging life situations which will happen but I urge anyone who is feeling trapped, lonely, depressed, sad, scared, worried, down, isolated or any other feeling to find the confidence to speak about that problem. Please find someone you feel you can trust to share your problems with because people do care and people will help. I can’t imagine losing someone close to you by suicide – it would be devastating.  I can’t even begin to imagine feeling how those people must feel. Seriously, people may not know what you are feeling because not everyone has the same situation but there are people out there who listen and help you. There are so many charities and helplines with people who are willing to spend all the time necessary to help turn your problems around. Please don’t feel alone or just find that courage to talk about it because it really does help and no one is going to judge you – remember that. Those that care won’t judge you. They will just want what is best for you and will try and help you no matter what.

So obviously, the story of this series and the message in the programme lies close to my heart. I suffered from some pretty severe bullying at school, I mean some stages were a lot worse from others but nevertheless I can relate to the isolation and loneliness anyone who is bullied feels. What is more, a couple of years ago I use to a friend  who self harmed and was having a hard time and it was so hard to know she felt the need to put herself in that position because of the pain others were causing her. It was devastating. It’s hard to imagine just how down and lonely she must have felt to do something like that. Luckily my friend got the help she needed and now she is in a so much better place but I just don’t know how I would live with myself knowing I had been that cruel and hurtful to someone else to make them feel that much pain and that is such a powerful and emotive message which is portrayed through the series.

The series does really capture the heart-breaking and hard-hitting consequences of what your words can do and mean to someone else.  You don’t even realise the impact your words have or the consequence of your actions, but they are real and things like this do happen and issues within society will never improve unless we collectively learn to respect and appreciate people’s differences and just treat each other better. I do believe this film does emotively capture the worst of bullying and just how much you can affect a person’s life from something so little and something you may perceive to be a joke or a prank. Not everyone feels the same and it’s important for us to remember that and respect that not everyone has the same sense of humour and thus could find it offensive.

13 Reasons Why is definitely a profoundly moving and equally devastating story of a teenage suicide and there is no denying that.  I am going to warn that this most certainly is not the easiest of programmes to watch, in fact I wish through some episodes that I had watched it with someone else. Some scenes are very graphical and could potentially be very damaging and scarring and I did want to make a point of that in the review because I, for one, did not expect the scenes to be as graphical as they were. They were hard to watch and offered a lot more than I thought would be shown personally.

Another positive from the show is that it has provided a substantial platform and attention to these common issues within society. It really has brought to light the issue of bullying, rape and suicide. Although, we are all very aware of these matters, there is definitely a huge focus on them in the mainstream media.  In some ways, has heart-wrenching and difficult it is to watch this series I would urge people to watch purely because of the awareness it raises. From the release of this programme there has been heaps of media attention on the programme and thus the issues of bullying, rape and suicide and become more prevalent in mainstream media.  We all know those issues are there but if we aren’t willing to discuss them and talk about them then no measures will ever be taken to improve these issues. Therefore, I am so glad that this programme has encouraged a discussion and thinking points on these very dangerous issues.

However, I do have a few issues with the programme if I am honest. Some things just really frustrated me.  One of the main Character’s Hannah Baker was my first issue with the programme. At times, I really did not think she was portrayed like the book. I did towards the end, find it increasingly difficult to listen to some of her speeches. I am not denying that through the story she most certainly has reasons to be sad, angry and lost for words, for example when he was raped and I would have no idea how I would react if I was sexually assaulted. It must be one of the most traumatising experiences. However, I do feel like she is over-dramatic at points and certainly very selfish. She always believed people had some sort of ulterior motive and pushed people away. For me, just was a very unlikable character with the wrong attitude.

My second issue to do with Hannah is a point in general. They appear to make Hannah out to be the victim and as if she never did anything wrong. Don’t get me wrong she was the victim in some cases but  Hannah too, just like everyone was not innocent and she pushed away people, was selfish and should have taken more responsibility for her actions. Hannah was the victim is many cases,there is certainly no denying that, but she too was guilty of contributing to drama in that school. I think it is unfair to glorify Hannah in this light where she didn’t ever do anything wrong because I think she too let people down as much as people let her down.

My next issue is the ending. It comes to no real conclusions for anyone. At the very beginning of the programme, we are all aware of where the story is leading and that she inevitably going  to commits suicide. She lists the reasons why but the ending doesn’t  bring around conclusions. I personally feel that is fails to portray the other character’s sadness, distress at what the tapes would have done to them. I am pretty sure they would have caused some sort of problems for the children and more emotion on their behalf would have been better. Portraying their realisation of what their actions have done further would have enhanced the story. Also, one thing that I have always been confused about is the use of Clay on the tapes. He never did anything wrong to Hannah. He was always there for her, loved her and she pushed him away. Even after he death he is the only one who is determined to get justice for Hannah’s death and raise awareness for what has happened. It is him who wants to help everyone and I just find putting him through the tapes harsh. To make him feel so guilty and put him through all that pain when he really cared seems rather harsh to me but obviously that isn’t a criticism of the series but more of the storyline in general.

Lastly, Tony’s character is a little strange. I am not even sure why Hannah feels the need to include him in the tapes. It just doesn’t seem to fit in with the story because he doesn’t have a connection with Hannah except he lends her a tape recorder. In the nest series, as I am sure they have confirmed that there will be a second series I would like to see more conclusions. I would like to see the characters off the tapes take responsibility and I would like to show people how to move on from an incident like this. I would like the series to focus on rehabilitating the character’s and helping them move on whilst still teaching a very valuable lesson. I would like for them to go in direction which helps find justice and peace for everyone.

Overall, I thought the series was okay. I think the message it is trying to communicate is so important. I am not it was executed in the best possible way. I am sure that is a criticism of the plot in general. I definitely understand the use of tapes was the only way for them to get to hear Hannah’s story from her perspective and for them to find out what they had done but I think if that actually happened that would be unimaginable. How anyone would ever be able to move on from the grief and pain of hearing tapes is beyond me.  I am so glad that is has brought attention to these topics because they are so important and they are fundamental issues within society and I personally feel issues such as bullying, rape and assault need taking more seriously. It does happen. It happens so frequently and it isn’t okay and there does need to be more help and support networks and procedures in place to help the victims. It is real and people do need to speak up!

Thank you for reading and let me know your opinions on the season if you have seen it yourself. Also, just remember you aren’t alone and there are always people there to listen and help. I am for one! I have definitely had my fair share of very difficult and challenging situations but they make you stronger and with the right help, support network and confidence to speak about the issues. Things will get better. Life gets better and things do improve. I know this first-hand. Much love forever and always,

Lizzie X

Instagram: @thiz_is_lizzie_xx

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie 

April Favourites

Hello!

Happy May everyone. It’s that time again! With the beginning of a new month comes a favourites post from the previous month. So today I am going to be sharing with you everyone that I loved in the month of April.

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L’Oreal Miss Manga Mascara – I am pretty sure I have already featured this a favourites already but I just absolutely LOVE this mascara. I have worn it every single day! It lasts all day on my lashes and defines, separates and adds so volume to my lashes. I absolutely love the look it did and it even lasted all day in Florida as well even in warm weather! I would definitely recommend this product to anyone! 
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Garnier Afters sun – This has been a lifesaver for me in April. Since I have been away and developed a tan, my skin has for obvious reasons become so incredibly dry. On my body I tend to get dry skin anyway on my arms and legs but it is amplified so much when I have a tan. This has worked so well in moisturising my skin and prolonging my tan. It has been an absolute lifesaver. LOVE it!
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Collection Velvet Kiss lip cream – I have featured this in my favourites (again – maybe?) this month because like with the mascara I have been wearing it literally every single day.  I love the colour of the product (nudey brown). It is so easy and simple to wear with anything and completes any makeup look. I love that it dries matte and for how inexpensive this product is, it lasts so well.
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FLORIDA – This was an obvious one to be featured in my favourites for April. Vacation in Florida was definitely one of my favourite moments in the month of April and I loved being away in the sun, getting a tan and having some great experiences and memories. It really was great. If you want to read about my time in Florida you can here and you can also see a haul of everything I brought in Florida here.
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Denim skirt from Next – OH MY GOSH!! I am literally obsessed with this denim skirt. I actually got this for my birthday and I have lived it literally everyday since! It’s high waisted and fitted, with the front been a little shorter than the back. It looks so incredibly flattering on and I am in LOVE with it. Honestly love it so much. I have been pairing this with my Adidas superstar trainers and then a fancy top. I got so much wear out of it in Florida.
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Pantene smooth and sleek shampoo and conditioner – Okay, so I have really frizzy hair and in humidity it’s even more of a nightmare if that is even possible! Anyway, these have been a lifesaver for my hair. They have been my hair’s best friends. My hair as been loving them and they have definitely minimised the frizz and kept my feeling moisturised and smooth even with all the swimming and sun when holiday!

Other things I have been loving having been Suits and 13 Reasons Why on Netflix. I have been watching Suits for a while now and I almost done with season 6 and I am so excited for the ending. For any of you who don’t know what Suits is, it is an American series about a law firm who hires a fraud (he practices law without having a degree in it). It is honestly so good and funny and I would definitely recommend it. I am planning on doing reviews for both these programmes so I won’t say too much here. 13 Reasons Why, I actually read the book years ago and was quite late to watching the series on Netflix because I was worried it wasn’t going to be as good as the book but it was fantastic and I watched the whole series within a day…ooops haha! I am sure you all know what this is about because there has been so much hype about the programme but it was good and again I will share more of my thoughts in my review post. Let me know if you would like to see that. This programmes hits quite close to home for me.

Lastly in April I have also enjoyed spending time with my boyfriend and going on day trips out.. again posts for those are coming soon. I am just so busy with uni and exams at the moment but they should be up so soon. I have just had the lovelies time with him and enjoyed going on trips with him. Of course I cannot to mention my birthday was also a favourite along with that! My birthday was definitely a highlight within April and a special thank you to my boyfriend for a lovely day and to everyone else who made it special. I really appreciate it and love you all!

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have enjoyed reading and finding out about what I loved in April. Let me know what you have been loving also because I would love to know. Also, I got another piercing yesterday so let me know if you would like a post on my experience or if there is anything specific you want to see. Much love,

Lizzie X

Instagram: @thiz_is_lizzie_xx

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie

G+:  Elizabeth Walton

 

A very honest and deep Q&A

Hey lovelies!

Today I have a very honest and deep Q&A! I get these sorts of questions a lot and so I finally thought I would take the time to answers. It is a different type of Q&A and a lot more personal and honest and I hope you enjoy.

  • Do you find it hard to manage blogging whilst having a part-time job and going to uni? – Simply the answer would be yes. Sometimes it can be so hard to balance my time between all three especially because being a full time-student and also my part-time job is full on. When I am break from uni I am usually working 30 hours or more at work so I am always super tired. Normally though I do manage to get a good balance between all three and manage to get in some of my own time and some socialising etc but yes it can be super hard. It is going to be so hard this next month as it is exam month! Ah – I am super stressed and worried for them!
  • What makes you feel like you can trust someone? – This one is difficult for me because I used to be a such a trusting person (naive as some may say) and just see the good in everyone and then obviously you have experiences in life and you find out not everyone is like you so now it takes a lot for me to trust someone. I would say a big thing for me is that someone can be open and honest with me. I think if I can sense that someone generally trusts me and wants to be around me and be my friends and takes a genuine interest in me then I feel like I can trust them.
  • What’s one thing you would change about yourself? – I think the one thing I would change about myself would be my thighs. I just don’t like them. They are just my least favourite part of my body but they are just fine the way the are and there is always something you aren’t completely happy with me but it’s all about embracing that and learning to love yourself flaws and anything.
  • Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert? – I would consider myself an introvert. I am very shy and I don’t have a lot of confidence speaking and being in front of people or putting myself out there. However, I have gotten a lot better, especially since moving away to university and I definitely talk to people a lot more and do things I would have never have done or been to shy to do.
  • If you could go back to to anytime in your life and change something when it would be? – Personally I am quite happy with how everything has turned out. Of course I have had some really bad times and they were so hard and sad but I have also had some fantastic times and I am one those who believes everything happens for a reason and if I would have changed something then I probably be who I am today or where I am today. With that being said If I could something different it would be secondary school years. I wish I had been so much confident and wasn’t afraid to be myself and just didn’t care what anyone else thought because I actually couldn’t wait for school to be over with. They just weren’t the most fantastic years of my life and I went through a lot and experienced a lot but like I said it has made who I am today and I am better because of it.  Of course as well there are times where I wish I had done stuff or said things and I didn’t or not said things or not done things or that I hadn’t been so scared and take more risks but then I always wonder that if I had done things differently would I be where I am today.
  • Do you believe in second chances? –  Yes I do actually. I am definitely one of those people who give second chances. I think it is always so much easier for someone to say don’t give second chances and walk away but no one is perfect and sometimes we do make mistakes and we mess up and we all deserve a second chance. I mean of course I will have my limits where I just think enough is enough and that’s not something I want to give a second chance but I am a very forgiving person and I don’t like holding so even if it is something that I don’t think I would give a second chance, I will still forgive you for it. Otherwise I will just be holding onto something I can;t let go off and that’s just unhealthy and not worth it. I definitely believe though that more than once isn’t a mistake and is now a choice they have made so I am one for second chances but not someone who gives lots of chances.
  • What did your past relationship teach you? – Not be so naive. I was a naive young person and always saw the good in everyone and didn’t really think people could be mean and thought everyone was as nice as me or had the same sort of feelings and heart as me and people really don’t. I think it just taught me to be stronger and not be as trusting and just to take things steady and not to be your trust in someone straight away.
  • What is one of the most important things you have learnt so far? – That some people are brutal and some people will do anything to see you fall and be miserable. Seriously some people can be so cruel and rude, which I seriously don’t get. I don’t get why bringing someone else down makes you feel good about yourself. I really don’t get it. I don’t get either how people can be so mean and why they feel the need to pick up on certain things or comments or judgements. It’s not any of their business most of the time and isn’t their life, so even if it isn’t something you personally don’t agree with then okay that’s fine but it’s someone else’s life and someone’s decision. I really just will never understand all the mean and rude comments people will say to you and put you through and will never understand why people say those things but I have just learnt now that some people are always going to be mean and rude and would love to see you fail and you just have to realise you’re worth more than that and you are better than those comments.
  • If 10 year old you could see you now how do you think she would feel? – I think this is hard because you don’t necessarily have a plan and don’t know where you will end up or what you will be doing. I know for sure that what I wanted to do at 10 years old I am not doing now. However, I think she would be proud of how far I have come and how I have persevered through all the challenging and difficult times. I know for sure there will be moments where she would have wished I would have done things differently and I know for sure you would be made at me, for still even to this day, not believing I can have my dreams but for the most part I think she would be proud.

Thank you so much for reading and I really hoped you have enjoyed. I will see you all very soon. Much love,

Lizzie X

P.S. leave requests in the comments or any answers to the questions but I always love finding out your answers!

Instagram: @thiz_is_lizzie_xx

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie 

G+: Elizabeth Walton

First experience at Nandos

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Hello!

Today I want to share with you my first experience and impression of Nandos. I know everyone thinks it has crazy that I have not already visited Nandos and tried the food there but to be honest I had heard quite a few mixed reviews. Some people I know absolutely love Nandos and would always go there to eat and some others thought it was okay but didn’t think it was that great.  I really wanted to go and make up my own opinions on the place and I can say I am one of those people who actually does really like it.

First thing, obviously if you don’t like chicken then this isn’t going to be the place for you. I am not really sure as to why I have never tried Nandos because it does sounds so nice. Anyway, when I went the Nandos we went to one which had just had a fire so the soft drinks machine wasn’t working, but as you will all know, I don’t drink soft drinks anyway and just always order water., so that didn’t bother me.  So the process is you obviously wait to get seated and then you look at the menu and decide what you want to order, then you walk up to the desk to with your table number and order your food and drink. You then walk to the drinks machine to get your drink, cutlery and any condiments you would like. I ended up ordering the 5 chicken wings in medium spice with 2 sides, one which was the peri-peri fries and the other which is garlic bread.

to say the restaurant was busy because me and my friend did go at around 8 on a Friday night, the service was decent and pretty quick.  When my food arrived, I must say I was impressed. I had heard that the food portions were small, however, the portion I thought I was very decent and by the end I was so full.  The food tasted really nice and I enjoyed everything that I had and I would definitely go back – in fact I have a date night on Saturday there so I obviously enjoyed it.  I am so glad I order the medium spice because I am not someone who enjoys really spicey food but do like some spice to my food and medium was the perfect balance for me. The chicken was cooked perfectly and tasted really good, the chips with the peri-peri seasoning was great and I just love garlic bread anyway and that also tasted great. I didn’t have condiments with my food although next time I would definitely like to try them because some of them sounded so nice but as it was my first time I didn’t know what to expect and so just kept it simple.

Overall, I would say I am really impressed with everything. The quality of the food, the food service was all great.  I really enjoyed my experience there and the food wasn’t too expensive I don’t think at all. My meal cost me £9.20 which I thought was really decent and I enjoyed my meal and would definitely pay that again. I am looking forward to going back and for my next experience and to try something else off the menu. I would recommend trying this place out for dinner.

If you have been to Nandos or are going to try it then let me know what you think to it and if you would recommend anything off the menu because I would love to know your recommendations. Also, if you have any other good food places for me to check out because I love trying new places. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this post. I will see you soon. Much love,

Lizzie X

Surrounding yourself with positivity

Hello everyone!

How are you all doing today? I know I have got some hauls ready to post and I am so excited for them and so I hope you enjoy them, but today I just wanted to talk about surrounding yourself with positive people because recently, whilst I have been going through a difficult time I have truly found out who is there for me. Although, I have been going through a tough time the thing that was the hardest to go through was learning that some of my friends and the people that I surrounded myself with weren’t my friends and didn’t want what was best for me. In fact, they were just using me. It was perhaps the hardest thing to experience because I had been used by people all my life and this time I thought they were my real friends and I had been so careful in letting people in but I was wrong. None of that matters now though because I am appreciative and thankful for all the supportive and loving people around me. It’s those people that really matter. So, I just wanted to talk about the importance of surrounding yourself with positive people and how to get out of toxic relationships.

Finding out someone isn’t there for you or has been using you or anything to that extent is so incredibly hard. It will hurt you and you will upset or angry or confused and you won’t understand why someone could ever hurt you that much or what you did wrong. Chances are you did nothing wrong and it was all about the other person. Some people are selfish and just don’t care about others and their feelings.  It’s so hard when you trust someone and believe they have the same heart as you and will help you but not everyone is like you and trust me, thinking that everyone is ill leave you feeling disappointed. If you find you have people in your life who are always so negative and bringing you down and not supporting to you or lying to you then as hard as it is you’re better off without them. It is so hard not speaking to them again because you will care, just like you always have, but in the long run you will be so much better off because you don’t need that negativity and people not supporting you. You don’t need people in your life who don’t support you and believe in you. The way to succeed and be happy is surround yourself by that!

When you lose people it’s natural to feel lonely and sad but you have got to think about your future and your life. You don’t need people holding you back and telling you cannot do something. Trust me I have been there, and having the freedom to be who you and think what you want, feel what you want to is the most amazing feeling. To not feel trapped or caged or like you can’t be yourself is one of the worst things a person can feel. It’s like you’re suffocating yourself and surrounding yourself with negative people will only do the same. They will suffocate you with deluded perception of yourself and constantly bring yourself down. Believing in yourself is more than half the battle won. Surrounding yourself with positive people will make believing in yourself so much easier because they see your worth and your talents, your strength and beauty, all the wonderful things we, as humans, sometimes are incapable of seeing. It’s those people that make your life special and important and it’s those people you need in your life not the ones who wish to bring you down.

Another reason it is important to keep those close to you who love and support you is because they help you in times of need. As much as we all like to think we are independent and we can manage our problems on our own, sometimes we can’t and having a great support network will provide fantastic coping mechanisms for your problems. Real relationships containing people who really care about you will not let you go through problems by yourself.  They will support you and help you best you can and make sure you don’t feel alone, in sometimes the hardest and darkest of times.

I suppose to finish this section on surrounding yourself with positivity and great people is to talk about how you know if someone is there for you. Well if you surround yourself with the right people then you will never feel like a burden or problem and issue to those people. Those people will always want the best for you and encourage you to reach your full potential. They love and support everything about and wants what best for you.  The people you want in your life are those sorts of people and no the ones who use you and lie to you and make you feel so worthless. Thankfully now I have realised how wrong about some of the people in my life and now they are gone I can finally move on and not be held back anymore and be who I am and know that those around me support me and my decisions.

Not everyone in your life is meant to stay and some just enter to teach you some very important lessons. Don’t allow for people to make you feel worthless or like you or aren’t anything important and won’t achieve anything because t’s not true and you can be only be good as the people you allow to surround yourself with and you can only achieve what you have the confidence to pursue. Don’t let them take that away from you and surround yourself with positivity and optimism.

Thank you so much for allowing me to express myself and to just can talk about what is on my mind. I hope this helps some of you in some way. I know as a child I struggled to find someone who was willing to stay in my life and accept me and didn’t just use me for one thing or another and somehow, I thought that became easier as you got older but it doesn’t. There’s all sorts of people in all walks of life and there are some who dying to see you fail so just don’t give them the satisfaction. Remain strong and those people who love will love everything about you and you will never have to change for them and they are the ones who are going to support you and they are the ones to keep close and dear to your heart. I love you all and I will see you very soon.

Lizzie X

Instagram: @thiz_is_lizzie_xx

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie

G+: ElizabethWalton

Q&A

Hello!

Welcome back everyone! How are you all doing? I am having a fantastic time here in Florida. The weather is beautiful and I am having so much fun and really enjoying my time in the sun. Another thing I always find fun is a Q&A post. I LOVE these. I always find them so intriguing and I love finding out other people’s opinions and answers.

  • How long does it takes you to do your makeup? – It depends on what level of makeup I am doing and how much I am applying. Generally, everyday it takes me about 15 minutes. If I am going out somewhere and I want to take my time and a full face of makeup then 30-40 minutes.
  • How would you describe yourself in three words? – Erm loyal, determined and trustworthy.
  • How do you make your makeup last the whole day? – Pretty much every single day I do my makeup I will use a primer and then a setting spray as well. I find that both these options work well in helping your makeup last the whole day or last really well for an event.
  • How old do you think you will be when you get married? – I don’t know really. I always thought I would be between 25-28 but I am certainly in no hurry. I want to get married when the time is right and when it feels right and besides I don’t know what the future holds for me. I just want to live my life and do everything I want and be happy and settled down when the time is right and I feel comfortable until then I am happy with life and enjoying and making the most of what every day had to offer.
  • How old were you when you learnt to ride a bike? – I am not exactly sure how I old I was when I learnt but it was somewhere between the age of 3-5 years old.
  • Do you prefer The Titanic or The Notebook? –  Well I have never, ever seen The Titanic which thoroughly surprises everyone I tell so I will have to say the Notebook.
  • Can you whistle? – No. I really cannot whistle.
  • What television series are you currently watching? – Suits! I am actually obsessed with this programme and I have literally watched like 2 full seasons in 2 and a half days. I know that is so bad and I really need to slow down. It’s just soooooo good though. Definitely recommend checking it out.
  • Favourite animal?  – Penguins. I love penguins. They are so cute and adorable!
  • Have you ever had braces? – No I never had braces.
  • Have you ever broken a bone? – No thankfully! Although I have no clue how I haven’t because you can ask anyone, I am the clumsiest person ever!!! SERIOUSLY!!! I walk into everything and always have a bruise or cut on my leg. I actually don’t know how I manage it. I am just way too clumsy.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have enjoyed finding out a little bit more about me and reading my answers. Let me know your answers to the questions in the comments down below because I love reading and finding out other people’s answers too. Much love as always,

Lizzie X

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie

Instagram: @thiz_is_lizzie_xx