Going Through The Emotions…

Hello everyone!

It appears to be the longest time since I have sat down and have written a blog post and that makes me so sad but in all honesty, I have just been so busy with life and as the title says going through all the emotions. If you read my blog quite regularly you will notice over the past couple of months I have been quite absent and haven’t been posting as frequently as what I usually do.  Truthfully, I just haven’t written much on here because I am definitely one of those people who won’t rush content and just put something up because I need to. No. I will only ever upload something if I feel 100% happy and proud of what I have done and these past couple of months I have been going through a really hard time and I just haven’t felt inspired to write or felt the need. I just wanted to keep things to myself and not put up content that I wasn’t proud of or happy with.

I know this may not appear to be the case because I have been on holiday so much these past couple of months and if you follow me on my Twitter or Instagram all you will have been seeing is my holiday photos and a rather happy me. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t have things going on behind closed doors. I post the things I do on my Instagram and Twitter because it makes me feel happy and it makes me feel better. Also, just because I only share the happy and positive moments in my life, doesn’t make me fake it just means I want to keep some privacy against some of the personal things that are going on in my life. Therefore, I don’t want to be positing about them and thus I won’t be going into detail about them on here. I just wanted to make this post as sort of an update post.

I know everyone goes through tough times and everyone is fighting their own battles that none of us are aware of so I know it is so important to always just be kind and respectful to everyone. You never know what they are going through. Life isn’t easy and even though I have taken a break from blogging I know it was the right decision and has definitely help keep some space and clear my mind and thoughts. It has been so important for me to have just switched off from everything and distance myself from everyone so I could figure out for myself what I really wanted without getting influenced by others.

Having hit the lowest point of the last couple of the months the other day, I have finally decided that it is time to move on from all this and help myself and get myself back to where I was. It isn’t always easy when you feel like the world is against you and if any of you have bad luck, like I do, when something goes wrong for me, everything goes wrong all at the same time! I know that everything happens for a reason and what will be will be.  Life challenges you to make you stronger and to give your experience and lessons which will ultimately be very important. I know that even in these difficult times I am very lucky and everything will work out okay in the end, it just takes time. Meanwhile I just need to look after myself and put myself first and love who I am and focus on doing what makes me happy and what I love. Therefore, I hope you return to blogging as usual and to just be filling my life with lots of love and laughter and to make those dark days just a little brighter.

For any of you who have been feeling like me and have been going through some difficult times I just want you to know you are not alone, everything happens for a reason and everything will be okay in the end. You just to have to believe and give the situation time and be patient with yourself and also give yourself time to recover and become stronger.

So, on a happier note, I have decided to just take control of everything and try and move forward the best I can.  It won’t be easy and it will take time but I do want to return to blogging so I hope you can just be patient with me a little longer while I get back into this and I can’t wait to be making content again. I have missed talking and chatting with you all. Also, if you have any suggestions for posts you would like to see then please them below in the comments because I am always looking for new and interesting ideas.

Much love as always,

Lizzie X

P.S. Please don’t forget to go and follow me on my Instagram and Twitter. I am active on those daily and I would love to interact with you all more and talk about more things. Recently on my Twitter I have just hit 1000 followers so thank you so much!! I do appreciate it!

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie

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Life update

Hey!

How are you doing? Today I have a bit of different post and I just wanted a chat with you all.

Lots has been going on in my life recently and I think it is very easy for people just to see the positive side and not thinking you have things going on because you continue with day to day life as normal and always appear happy. For me, I am a very private person and so I find it hard to talk about things when they aren’t going so well. I am a very guarded person and much rather put on a happy front than let people know.

No one really understands what anyone is going through and sometimes I really do feel people judge others by what they see and not actually knowing what they are going through. People like to tell me I have nothing moan about and my life is brilliant and if you know me then I can definitely see why people would say that. It’s just that I am a quiet person and I don’t like to display what’s happening and being sad. Part of the way I chose to deal with things is to put on a front, distract myself and be happy and have a laugh otherwise I will definitely overthink everything and that just doesn’t help the situation.

This summer has definitely been full of changes for me and I don’t really know how to feel about a lot of them. A lot of stuff has built up and I just don’t know what to feel and I guess sort of confused about things. Very soon, in September, I head off to university and moving away and that is super scary for me. I’ve not even thought about buying anything for my room or what to take. This year I finally finished compulsory education and it seems so weird knowing that I won’t be going back to the place where I have just spent he last 7 years of my life. I have to make this big life changing step without my family and their support, so I am very thankful that my friends and boyfriend are with me and supporting me through it.

I started my blog this summer and that has definitely been one of the best decisions I have made. It has just been so nice to be able to write an express myself freely and have people read, like and comment such lovely things. I have always been creative and passionate and I do really enjoy blogging daily and chatting to you all about anything and everything. I have also opened my own clothing collection and that was super exciting and I love designing new items which I am inspired by. I started my YouTube channel which is something I wanted to do for so long but I am not sure about it anymore. I want to continue because I enjoy making content and filming and editing… it’s really fun and I love taking photographs but I just have been thinking about changing the idea behind it and not restricting myself to just one type of video. I think I want to create a good mixture. I really want to start vlogging. Maybe not to upload to my channel everyday because I don’t know how many of you would be interested in my daily life but for a diary for me and memories especially since I have some big times coming up soon like moving to uni, a little holiday with my friends, a trip to London with my boyfriend. I think I just want to make vlogs to keep as a memory for myself.

Speaking of holidays I am so excited to be going away soon and having some breaks away from everything and taking my mind off everything. I am really excited for both of them and they are both so soon. I think it will be nice to get away from the daily struggles I am facing and just enjoy myself.

I don’t know how I really feel about everything. It’s just so much happening a lot more personal stuff which I don’t feel comfortable explaining. It’s just sometimes a lot to deal with and hard to keep putting on a front and pretending like everything is okay when it’s really not.

I am really just taking things day by day and seeing what it brings. Some days I manage to have really good days and a good laugh ad a good times other days just don’t go so well and today is one of those days. I know eventually everything will turn out okay. It may not be tomorrow, next week, next month or even next year but eventually everything will work out so I am just staying positive and just know that I am lucky to be surrounded by lovely friends and a lovely boyfriend and these things happen in life and it’s all about learning and growing from the experiences.

Sorry for the super long post where I have just rambled. I just felt like I needed to get a few things off my chest and I find sometimes I do find I feel better after that. Thank you so much for reading and I will see you soon!

Lizzie X

Not everyday is a good day

Now I know that I have already posted today but writing always seems to make me feel better. Although I am not one to open up and share everything in my personal life, so much has happened recently I just feel I need to get my emotions out there.

This year particularly has been incredibly hard for me. I have experienced the death of my grandma, tried to cope with A-levels, university decisions of which has caused so much drama, like one could not imagine,  and tried to manage relationships.

I would like to say I probably did the best I could and get through the situations and to a certain degree that was true, but recently it has all got too much and I pushed away the people I needed.

I’m not here to moan and make life out to be horrific because I know there are so many more people with bigger problems than I have, but a problem is a problem and still means something to the person going through the situation.

I’ll be the first to say what I am going through isn’t easy and I will also admit I don’t think recently I have handled it particularly well. I’m only human though. I’m not perfect and I make a lot of mistakes all the time. I just wish now I would have controlled and handled things a lot differently. It’s so hard in the heat of the moment to think about what’s best.I was so torn, confused and hurt by what people were saying I didn’t know what to do or say. Instead I let it build up, and my first piece of advice would be to not bottle things up.

Speaking my emotions though is just something I’m not particularly good at. I can’t open up easily. I am very much guarded and have my guard up that I find it hard, especially when everyone is against you and especially when it’s the people who are supposed to love and support you no matter what and they aren’t, I just couldn’t do it again. I had tried so many times and failed, it wasn’t getting through to them. I began to get so frustrated with myself because I didn’t want to care but of course I was going to. I became an increasingly difficult person to be around. I would just take everything out of proportion and push people away.

I certainly didn’t like what all the hurt, anger and resentment was doing to me and the destructiveness it was causing within my relationships. I am a strong person usually but this year has been a real test even more so recently and I really despise myself for who I have been and how affected I have been.

I’m my biggest critic and always will be. I’m always so hard on myself. I know I only have myself to blame for not handling what’s happening properly, but it’s scary and it hurts. I know I am sorry and I am going to work so hard everyday to get out of these issues without affecting other people. I’m not going to let people tell me what to do anymore or control the situation or my life, because at end of day I need to do what’s best for me and will make me happy with or without their support.

Everyday I wake up with a smile and a new beginning, chance and opportunity to grow as a person and achieve and also learn from mistakes. I’m hopeful tomorrow will be a much better day and the start of a new game plan to make changes for the better.

I hope I haven’t rambled too much and sounded too moody, and I promise I will be back tomorrow with my usual posts. I do feel a lot better after writing this!

Lastly I wanted to say a big thank you to my boyfriend for his continued support and love no matter what, my friends for always having my back and all of you who read my blog and like and comment on my posts. You’re so supportive everyday and your comments are incredible and so lovely and genuine and never fail to make me smile. I love you all and thank you so so so much!! I’m forever grateful.

Lizzie X

Road to Success

Hi everyone!

I hope you are all doing well and are having a good day/evening! The article today is a little different and all about self-respect, something of which I believe to be of paramount importance. I’ve not always had the level of respect for myself that I should have had and some points in my life after hitting serious lows I found it hard to have any confidence and believe in myself. Life is hard and although I have only lived a small fragment of my life and most certainly still have some of the most important moments in my life to come I want to make people aware of the importance of respecting yourself and believing in your own abilities early on.

Let me tell you about something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows; it’s a very mean and nasty place. And I don’t care how tough you are; it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it…” I am positive you have all heard this very famous quote before. Life will throw challenges at you, it will knock you down, you will have failures and disappointments but so does everyone. It’s about how you get back up from those moments and how you continue to believe in yourself and what you wish to achieve.

Pain is temporary and eventually it will subside. Quitting however will last a life time. People will always want to try to tell you that you aren’t good enough because they are not and they cannot do what you can. You cannot surround yourself with this negativity because then you will lose all respect you had for yourself and your dreams. You must surround yourself with greatness. People who can make you grow, encourage you and challenge you.

You can’t always win in life but you can always believe that something else can happen. You have to believe in yourself that much you have to take the hits and get knocked down. You will fall but you have to get back up and make things better. Create those opportunities and believe you can make a change!

If you don’t love, respect and believe in yourself then who will? If you cannot see your potential and self-worth, how can anyone else? Life is hard but respect yourself and don’t settle for any less than you deserve because you are worthy and you are capable!

Thanks so much guys for reading. Don’t stop believing in yourself. It will take time but eventually you will get where you want to get to and all the hard work will have paid off and it will be the best feeling in the world. See you soon!

Lizzie X

Milestone 1!

Hi guys,

I know I already posted today but I really needed to write a post to state my appreciation for all of you who follow my blog; read my blog and for those who comment on and like my posts.

I have just hit my first milestone today and now have more than 50 of you following my blog and for me that’s crazy! I really do want to thank you all for the support you give, your comments and likes always cheer me and make me smile when I am having a bad day or a down moment. It’s lovely to know I have support from all of you!

I just hope this continues to grow and I look forward to the future and the future of this blog and writing posts for you everyday to read and enjoy.

Hitting my first milestone was a little reminder to me of how far I have come. I haven’t always found things easy and not always had confidence.I put off writing blogs posts for a while. With this in my mind I decided to write an article on my trending stories about self-respect, confidence and never giving up because that’s really what has got me here. I’ll link this article below if you want to have a little read!

Again thank you so much for all your amazing support and I am super happy and proud of this moment and can’t wait to see what the future holds for my blog. Until tomorrow guys! Bye!! Love you all!

Lizzie X

https://mytrendingstories.com/article/the-road-to-success/

Exciting News!

Two posts in one day Lizzie! I know but I just really wanted to share this announcement and news with you guys!

Finally after months and months of deliberation I have made my very own YouTube channel!! I’m super excited about this. I’ve been wanting to make a channel for ages and actually created one a while ago but I was always too scared to make and create any videos out of fear of what people would say about it. Stupid – I know right!

However, after writing a blog post called “What’s you motivation?” for Mytrendingsotires, which I have now posted on my here too, it just inspired me to go for it and to give it try because otherwise I would always be wondering what if or be at myself for not pushing myself and going out of my comfort zone. I was writing to tell other people to follow their goals and dreams, yet I was sat on bed not following mine.

This is a huge deal for me and I am super excited about it and also super excited to share with you guys! I hope I continue to make videos and have as much fun filming all my videos as I did filming this one because some of the bloopers are hilarious.

It would mean so much to me if you would pop over to my channel and say hello. I was so super scared to upload and make a video and I know it’s not the best and not the best quality or got the best editing but everyone has to start somewhere right?

Lastly thank you to all of you who read my blog. It means so much for me and all your support and comments are always so nice and uplifting. Be feel free to give me advice or give me videos suggestions as I am welcome to all ideas. Thank you!!

Lizzie X

Auschwitz – Poland

Hi everyone,

Today’s post is a bit different to usual ones and one which associates a serious topic. In March of this year I was lucky enough to be given the opportunity to go on a 24 hour trip to Poland where I would go and see Auschwitz.

The first question I am sure you are all asking is “why Lizzie are you writing this post in June if you went in March?”. The answer to that question is simple. Visiting and experiencing something like Auschwitz, it is not immediate to you about how you feel about things. I mean obviously you’re devastated and sad that such a thing could even happen but at the time of the visiting you’re just so overwhelmed by the experience, you don’t know what to think or feel. In fact on the visit day itself, when asked my leader how I was finding things I was speechless. I didn’t know what to tell her. I was so overwhelmed with the experience I couldn’t comprehend the experience. It is only since the visit and having the reflective seminar, speaking to friends and family and looking through the photographs I took whilst I was there that I have had time to reflect and be able to talk about the experience. I am writing this blog post now that I have had time to reflect to explain to people about how harrowing the experience actually is and no matter how hard you try you just cannot imagine what they went through. I hope this post really highlights the impacts of the holocaust and encourages people to view differences differently and respect the differences we have in society. The Holocaust is just one of many examples which shows what can happen when extremism is allowed to flourish and rather than disrespecting people who are different than us, we need to respect each other for who we are and the differences we have.

Under the cover of the Second World War, for the sake of their “new order,” the Nazis sought to destroy all the Jews of Europe. For the first time in history, industrial methods were used for the mass extermination of a whole people. Six million were murdered including 1,500,000 children. This event is called the Holocaust.

The Nazis enslaved and murdered millions of others as well. Gypsies, people with physical and mental disabilities, Poles, Soviet prisoners of war, trade unionists, political opponents, and prisoners of conscience, homosexuals, and others were killed in vast numbers.

Imperial War Museum, London, UK

Before I go into details about my visit and sharing my experience with you, I’m first just going to give a bit of background information. Auschwitz opened in 1940, during the second World War, and was a Nazi controlled zone where later they setup concentration camps and the event known as the Holocaust occurred. Auschwitz was split into three different camps: Auschwitz I, Auschwitz II Birkenau and Auschwitz III Monowitz. During the time of these concentration camps, at Auschwitz, one in six of the all the Jews that died in the Holocaust died there – approximately totaling 1.1 million.

I cannot begin to explain what the experience felt like. I don’t think it is even possible to put into words how it made me feel or how harrowing the experience was. Before the visit itself, I attended an orientation seminar where we were given details about the Holocaust and the trip but also I got the opportunity to listen to Zigi Shipper’s personal testimony and how he survived the holocaust. Hearing him speak about the events, what he saw and just trying to understand what he went through brought a lump to my throat. It was the most surreal moment. It was so hard to comprehend that someone was stood there in front of me telling me about how he had witnessed many people be murdered and how he had escaped this deadly event. It is impossible to imagine what happened or what they went through. Even now, after I have visited I still cannot comprehend what it must have been like for everyone. The most captivating and inspiring moment of Zigi’s testimony was his courage to share openly his story with and his determination to educate the future generations about the atrocities.  It was so encouraging and inspiring that his message behind his testimony, other than educating us about the actual event, was his wish for us all to be positive and spread a positive message. Despite the horrors of the stories he spoke very optimistically about future and how he did not hate anyone and encouraged us to not hate them for what had happened to him but focused our attention on respecting the differences in society so we could avoid history repeating. I believe Zigi definitely knew the destructive nature of what hatred could do and the way he encouraged us to be positive and move forward and educate people rather hate them .I cannot describe the admiration I had for Zigi. How much I admired how open he was with us or how I admired the message behind his testimony. Most of all I admire his strength and bravery to tell people of the harsh realities. It really was a life changing moment in so many ways and made me feel so many things I didn’t know I could.

The day trip to Poland was both mentally and physically exhausting. Words cannot even describe how tired I was after the day.Whilst in Poland I did not quite know what to anticipate. The pre-Auschwitz trip to Oswiecim was interesting as it highlighted pre-war Jewish life in one town. Whilst in the town we visited the Jewish graveyard. Despite there being no Jews lefts in the town, it was amazing to see the solidarity.

Upon arrival at Auschwitz, I didn’t know what to  feel. It was all a bit surreal. I had read so many books, watched so documentaries and seen so many films and now I was in the actual place. It just wasn’t sinking in. Walking around the place, listening to horrors that the tour guides explained I could’t help but feel guilty. The sense of guilt remained with me the whole day. I couldn’t help but feel guilty for the walking around the place where thousands of people had been murdered, knowing that on that same evening I would be leaving. The majority of people once they had entered the camp never saw the outside of the camp again; never saw there families or friends again; never lived again. It’s just completely indescribable.

As the day progressed, I found myself feeling even more guilty. I felt guilty too that I didn’t cry about this whole experience. I mean, I know I probably sound so heartless. How can you visit a place where a million people died and not cry? I don’t know is the answer. I had gone thoroughly prepared to cry but just was so overwhelmed by the experience,the knowledge and being there that I just couldn’t cry.  That doesn’t mean I didn’t find the experience emotional because I found it very emotional. The whole experience was and the whole connection to camps was. Seeing the hair and shoes of just a tiny fragment of those entered into the camps and the personal belongings they brought with them which had been confiscated was so touching. For me personally one of the most touching moments was hearing stories of how people lost their identities when entering the camp and how they just knew themselves by a number. The experience really emphasised to me that although numbers, figures and statistics matter, they only overshadow the personal stories and lives effected and this for me is important to remember. It is important to remember the individuals for who they were, their stories and the families of the victims who matter.

One of the most traumatising moments was walking through the gas chambers. Again I felt a huge sense of guilt. Those who entered these chambers never left but I was.  It really hit me hard when I was walking through the chambers where so many had been murdered and persecuted for their faith or , and its important not to forget about the other groups discriminated against, having a disability etc. It was so dehumanising.

Towards the end of the visit, there had been a special room dedicated to remembering the victims of the Holocaust. This room consisted of a book which filled the entirety of the room with the known names of the victims of the Holocaust. It was unbelievable! It was uplifting to see measures that had been taken to remember those who died, sadly though this book only contained approximately about 4 million of the 6 million who died during the Holocaust. After being entered to the camp and assigned a number it was so hard to track who had been entered into the camps and for this reason many names are stilling missing of the list. I will insert a picture of the book at the end of this post so you can all see how amazing it truly is.

One of the most emotional times of the visit was the memorial service.  With services conducted in Hebrew it was really touching to stand at the railway lines and just imagine the thoughts of thousands of people that had died in that very place you were standing. It was also a time to honor those people who stood strongly by what they believed in and us lighting a candle was nowhere valuable enough to signify their death. Although the harsh realities of the camps still remain, nowadays, in many ways, in my opinion, the camp has sort of an uplifting spirit with candles and singing, flowers displayed to remember and even people making pilgrimages to pay their respects to the victims. It some ways it is actually beautiful. This new uplifting sense around the camps, doesn’t come close to diminishing the the realities of the camp and no matter how many memorials are set up or pilgrimages made, there will always be that sense of guilt walking around the place and the remembrance of all those that died.

After the visit to Poland, I had plenty of time to reflect on my experience and began to share my journey and thoughts about my visit to others, educating people on what it was really like. Now I have come back from Auschwitz, it has made me more determined to learn about the truth behind these events. In ways, it’s not just about knowing the facts and figures, although these are very important, it is important to understand the realities and the continued effect it has had on society. For this reason I believe it is of paramount importance that we educate ourselves and learn how important it is to not only tolerate but celebrate differences in society to avoid the same mistakes happening again.

The experience itself was truly remarkable and eye-opening. It will definitely remain with me for the rest of my life and will never forget walking around a place where so many had been murdered. It’s just unimaginable. It was a very rewarding experience, but strange at the same time and certainly takes some time reflect. As cliché as it sounds, it is a life changing experience and you do perceive things a lot differently.

Lastly I would Like to thank Lessons From Auschwitz and the Holocaust Educational Trust for taking me on this trip and allowing me to have this experience as well as gain a greater depth of knowledge into this period of history. I am very grateful for the opportunity and it has been an invaluable experience that I will never forget and I just hope more and more people become more knowledgeable about matters such as this so we can prevent anything like this from repeating itself. Thank you to everyone who has read this post. It wasn’t the easiest to write and I know it’s a lot different to those that I normally post but it was, I believe, to be of paramount importance for people to really understand the event and pass on information to remove the misconceptions we have. Also,  below I have inserted just a couple of photos from my visit so you could have a little look at a few key bits if you wanted too. Other than that, feel free to leave any questions that you may have about my experience or what it was like there and I will do my best to answer them!

Thank you everyone!

Lizzie X

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Jewish Cementary
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Auschwitz I
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Memorial – Auschwitz I
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Gas Chamber – Auschwitz I
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Book containing the names of the victims of the Holocaust
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Auschwitz II Birkenau
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The transportation of the Jews between camps
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A memorial candle – paying my respects to the victims
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Auschwitz II Birkenau