The Power of Self-care

Hello everyone!

Today I really want to speak about the importance and power self-care. The past couple of months for me, have been rather difficult and stressful, which have consisted of many changes. I have found myself changing a lot in these past couple months but I will save that for a separate blog post, however, I have really realised over these past couple of months the importance of taking care of yourself and your own health and how sometimes you have to be a little selfish and do what is best for you.  For me, I found this really challenging because I am one of those people who likes to put everyone else first and I like to make everyone happy so this has been a challenge for me. At first I did feel guilty and bad but now I feel so much better within myself and happier as a person. It was hard to take the steps but now I feel like I am in control and really taking care of myself.

When I talk about self-care, I am referring to those everyday actions that we make on a daily basis to look after our bodies and minds.  I know when you are going through a challenging time and feeling like the whole world is against you that is so hard to keep going and keep doing the things which may only seem like small things so you think skipping them won’t make a difference, but in reality they do. When I was at my lowest over these past couple of months I really didn’t feel like doing a lot at all and really didn’t feel like I wanted to make an effort but I soon realised that wasn’t helping and was in fact making me feel so much worse about myself.

Even though you may not feel like it, always make an effort with yourself and what you wear etc because it actually makes a huge difference. I really noticed on the days where I didn’t do my makeup or wear the clothes I liked that I felt so less confident and motivated. It made me feel worse about myself. One important thing I have learnt is that no matter how bad you are feeling, always get up, dress up and show up. It honestly does make the world of difference. When I had done my makeup and got dresses into clothes I loved and felt comfortable in felt 10 times more confident and therefore a lot happier within myself.  How you chose to dress and present yourself really does say more about you than you realise and trust me dressing up and putting that bit of makeup on will make you feel better. Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely one for lazy and chilled days and no makeup days and just relaxing in some comfy shorts and a top but for me I really want to start making an effort more often because it does help.

Over the past couple of months I have been doing a tonne of research into self-care and into simple changes which can help keep your brain and mind healthier and make you happier and so I am going to share with you a few other tips other than just making an effort everyday which I have really found have really started to change my life.

  • The first thing I have started to do is writing in a journal/diary.  If you know me, you know that I find sleeping for the most part incredibly difficult and I am a very light sleeper so I do struggle with sleeping. I will quite often end up waking myself up and thus I don’t ever really get a good quality night’s sleep even if I do sleep for the correct amount of time. I have really found that writing in a journal has really helped me this. It has allowed me to write down all my worries, concerns, feelings, thoughts,memories, tasks, reminders, goals etc. I have found this so helpful and this has really helped me to destress and relax at night because I have everything in my journal I know I am not going to forget anything. Also, I just find the process of writing therapeutic anyway and so this has really helped me.
  • The second thing I have been doing is reading. I am an avid reader anyway so finding time to read more was just so exciting for me. I love reading and escaping reality for a while and joining another world. It makes everything so simple and peaceful and I have really enjoyed this.  Reading has really helped to relax my mind and my body and I really have felt more at home myself with a lot more peaceful.
  • The next few things I have been doing have been to look after my skin. First I have gotten into a proper skincare routine and have been properly cleaning my skin and using face masks which really helps to purify your skin and keep your pores clear etc. I have also been making an effort to moisturise. If you know me you know I am the worst at this even though I have really dry skin. I am just too lazy and hate it but I have recently been making an effort and it has made the biggest difference to my skin. My skin feels so much better and is a lot clearer and it looking a lot healthier. Similarly, I have been drinking plenty of water and have started trying to eat better. I don’t diet because I don’t believe them. I do make sure I eat a balanced diet and still enjoy to eat pizza and chocolate etc. However, limiting the fatty food really does help to clear your skin and really does help keep your skin clear and healthy.  Eating right does make a huge difference not only to your skin but how your body feels and towards your energy levels.
  • The last thing I will mention post is that I have really just been trying so hard to let go and worry less and be selfish. I have recently removed so many toxic people from my life and removed so many friendships and relationships with people which has been so incredibly hard. It has however, in the end made me a much happier person and I really do feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I did feel really guilty to start off with and terrible for admitting that but I have got use to it and I have noticed a difference in my mood. I have started to worry less and care less about things. If isn’t going to matter, don’t stress over it. Worrying and stressing doesn’t help and only makes you feel worse. It is hard but as soon as you are able to let go of your problems and not carry them around with you every second of the day you can go out, live in the moment and enjoy yourself.

I hope this has started to help some of you who are perhaps feeling like I am at the moment. It does get better and time does help whether you believe it or not eventually everything will work out the way it is meant to. Everything happens for a reason so don’t stress it too much. Believe in yourself and have faith in your ability and your love and that will be enough, I promise you that. These difficult times are made to build us up and strengthen us and your attitude throughout the worst times in your life says more about you than you will ever realise. People do love you and do care for you and it is okay to struggle and having a difficult time. It is okay to be sad and angry or frustrated. It is okay to have a bad day and feel low. It is okay to be worried about your insecurities. It is OKAY!! You have a choice. You can live trying to met everyone else’s expectation and therefore failing or you can choose to ignore everyone and love yourself and do what makes you happy and live the life you deserve because even in your darkest of days life is still what you make it and you still have to make the most of the situation. Try and see the positives and be optimistic. Don’t hold grudges and don’t hold onto past hurt. Forgive and let go. Don’t keep that anger inside of you. Take time to care for yourself and do whatever you need to love and care for your body the way you do. You are so lucky to have the body you do and we all have insecurities and we always want to change something but it is important to appreciate your body and mind and take care of them. It really make the biggest difference and changed your life and lifestyle.

Stay strong everyone and stay true to who you are! Let me know if you want any other posts similar to this with me explaining on how I cope and deal with certain situations or if you have comments then feel free to leave them below. Much love,

Lizzie X

P.s. Follow me daily on Twitter and Instagram

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie

Instagram: @libwalton_9

Going Through The Emotions…

Hello everyone!

It appears to be the longest time since I have sat down and have written a blog post and that makes me so sad but in all honesty, I have just been so busy with life and as the title says going through all the emotions. If you read my blog quite regularly you will notice over the past couple of months I have been quite absent and haven’t been posting as frequently as what I usually do.  Truthfully, I just haven’t written much on here because I am definitely one of those people who won’t rush content and just put something up because I need to. No. I will only ever upload something if I feel 100% happy and proud of what I have done and these past couple of months I have been going through a really hard time and I just haven’t felt inspired to write or felt the need. I just wanted to keep things to myself and not put up content that I wasn’t proud of or happy with.

I know this may not appear to be the case because I have been on holiday so much these past couple of months and if you follow me on my Twitter or Instagram all you will have been seeing is my holiday photos and a rather happy me. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t have things going on behind closed doors. I post the things I do on my Instagram and Twitter because it makes me feel happy and it makes me feel better. Also, just because I only share the happy and positive moments in my life, doesn’t make me fake it just means I want to keep some privacy against some of the personal things that are going on in my life. Therefore, I don’t want to be positing about them and thus I won’t be going into detail about them on here. I just wanted to make this post as sort of an update post.

I know everyone goes through tough times and everyone is fighting their own battles that none of us are aware of so I know it is so important to always just be kind and respectful to everyone. You never know what they are going through. Life isn’t easy and even though I have taken a break from blogging I know it was the right decision and has definitely help keep some space and clear my mind and thoughts. It has been so important for me to have just switched off from everything and distance myself from everyone so I could figure out for myself what I really wanted without getting influenced by others.

Having hit the lowest point of the last couple of the months the other day, I have finally decided that it is time to move on from all this and help myself and get myself back to where I was. It isn’t always easy when you feel like the world is against you and if any of you have bad luck, like I do, when something goes wrong for me, everything goes wrong all at the same time! I know that everything happens for a reason and what will be will be.  Life challenges you to make you stronger and to give your experience and lessons which will ultimately be very important. I know that even in these difficult times I am very lucky and everything will work out okay in the end, it just takes time. Meanwhile I just need to look after myself and put myself first and love who I am and focus on doing what makes me happy and what I love. Therefore, I hope you return to blogging as usual and to just be filling my life with lots of love and laughter and to make those dark days just a little brighter.

For any of you who have been feeling like me and have been going through some difficult times I just want you to know you are not alone, everything happens for a reason and everything will be okay in the end. You just to have to believe and give the situation time and be patient with yourself and also give yourself time to recover and become stronger.

So, on a happier note, I have decided to just take control of everything and try and move forward the best I can.  It won’t be easy and it will take time but I do want to return to blogging so I hope you can just be patient with me a little longer while I get back into this and I can’t wait to be making content again. I have missed talking and chatting with you all. Also, if you have any suggestions for posts you would like to see then please them below in the comments because I am always looking for new and interesting ideas.

Much love as always,

Lizzie X

P.S. Please don’t forget to go and follow me on my Instagram and Twitter. I am active on those daily and I would love to interact with you all more and talk about more things. Recently on my Twitter I have just hit 1000 followers so thank you so much!! I do appreciate it!

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie

Instagram: @LibWalton_9

April Favourites

Hello!

Happy May everyone. It’s that time again! With the beginning of a new month comes a favourites post from the previous month. So today I am going to be sharing with you everyone that I loved in the month of April.

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L’Oreal Miss Manga Mascara – I am pretty sure I have already featured this a favourites already but I just absolutely LOVE this mascara. I have worn it every single day! It lasts all day on my lashes and defines, separates and adds so volume to my lashes. I absolutely love the look it did and it even lasted all day in Florida as well even in warm weather! I would definitely recommend this product to anyone! 
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Garnier Afters sun – This has been a lifesaver for me in April. Since I have been away and developed a tan, my skin has for obvious reasons become so incredibly dry. On my body I tend to get dry skin anyway on my arms and legs but it is amplified so much when I have a tan. This has worked so well in moisturising my skin and prolonging my tan. It has been an absolute lifesaver. LOVE it!
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Collection Velvet Kiss lip cream – I have featured this in my favourites (again – maybe?) this month because like with the mascara I have been wearing it literally every single day.  I love the colour of the product (nudey brown). It is so easy and simple to wear with anything and completes any makeup look. I love that it dries matte and for how inexpensive this product is, it lasts so well.
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FLORIDA – This was an obvious one to be featured in my favourites for April. Vacation in Florida was definitely one of my favourite moments in the month of April and I loved being away in the sun, getting a tan and having some great experiences and memories. It really was great. If you want to read about my time in Florida you can here and you can also see a haul of everything I brought in Florida here.
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Denim skirt from Next – OH MY GOSH!! I am literally obsessed with this denim skirt. I actually got this for my birthday and I have lived it literally everyday since! It’s high waisted and fitted, with the front been a little shorter than the back. It looks so incredibly flattering on and I am in LOVE with it. Honestly love it so much. I have been pairing this with my Adidas superstar trainers and then a fancy top. I got so much wear out of it in Florida.
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Pantene smooth and sleek shampoo and conditioner – Okay, so I have really frizzy hair and in humidity it’s even more of a nightmare if that is even possible! Anyway, these have been a lifesaver for my hair. They have been my hair’s best friends. My hair as been loving them and they have definitely minimised the frizz and kept my feeling moisturised and smooth even with all the swimming and sun when holiday!

Other things I have been loving having been Suits and 13 Reasons Why on Netflix. I have been watching Suits for a while now and I almost done with season 6 and I am so excited for the ending. For any of you who don’t know what Suits is, it is an American series about a law firm who hires a fraud (he practices law without having a degree in it). It is honestly so good and funny and I would definitely recommend it. I am planning on doing reviews for both these programmes so I won’t say too much here. 13 Reasons Why, I actually read the book years ago and was quite late to watching the series on Netflix because I was worried it wasn’t going to be as good as the book but it was fantastic and I watched the whole series within a day…ooops haha! I am sure you all know what this is about because there has been so much hype about the programme but it was good and again I will share more of my thoughts in my review post. Let me know if you would like to see that. This programmes hits quite close to home for me.

Lastly in April I have also enjoyed spending time with my boyfriend and going on day trips out.. again posts for those are coming soon. I am just so busy with uni and exams at the moment but they should be up so soon. I have just had the lovelies time with him and enjoyed going on trips with him. Of course I cannot to mention my birthday was also a favourite along with that! My birthday was definitely a highlight within April and a special thank you to my boyfriend for a lovely day and to everyone else who made it special. I really appreciate it and love you all!

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have enjoyed reading and finding out about what I loved in April. Let me know what you have been loving also because I would love to know. Also, I got another piercing yesterday so let me know if you would like a post on my experience or if there is anything specific you want to see. Much love,

Lizzie X

Instagram: @thiz_is_lizzie_xx

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie

G+:  Elizabeth Walton

 

Surrounding yourself with positivity

Hello everyone!

How are you all doing today? I know I have got some hauls ready to post and I am so excited for them and so I hope you enjoy them, but today I just wanted to talk about surrounding yourself with positive people because recently, whilst I have been going through a difficult time I have truly found out who is there for me. Although, I have been going through a tough time the thing that was the hardest to go through was learning that some of my friends and the people that I surrounded myself with weren’t my friends and didn’t want what was best for me. In fact, they were just using me. It was perhaps the hardest thing to experience because I had been used by people all my life and this time I thought they were my real friends and I had been so careful in letting people in but I was wrong. None of that matters now though because I am appreciative and thankful for all the supportive and loving people around me. It’s those people that really matter. So, I just wanted to talk about the importance of surrounding yourself with positive people and how to get out of toxic relationships.

Finding out someone isn’t there for you or has been using you or anything to that extent is so incredibly hard. It will hurt you and you will upset or angry or confused and you won’t understand why someone could ever hurt you that much or what you did wrong. Chances are you did nothing wrong and it was all about the other person. Some people are selfish and just don’t care about others and their feelings.  It’s so hard when you trust someone and believe they have the same heart as you and will help you but not everyone is like you and trust me, thinking that everyone is ill leave you feeling disappointed. If you find you have people in your life who are always so negative and bringing you down and not supporting to you or lying to you then as hard as it is you’re better off without them. It is so hard not speaking to them again because you will care, just like you always have, but in the long run you will be so much better off because you don’t need that negativity and people not supporting you. You don’t need people in your life who don’t support you and believe in you. The way to succeed and be happy is surround yourself by that!

When you lose people it’s natural to feel lonely and sad but you have got to think about your future and your life. You don’t need people holding you back and telling you cannot do something. Trust me I have been there, and having the freedom to be who you and think what you want, feel what you want to is the most amazing feeling. To not feel trapped or caged or like you can’t be yourself is one of the worst things a person can feel. It’s like you’re suffocating yourself and surrounding yourself with negative people will only do the same. They will suffocate you with deluded perception of yourself and constantly bring yourself down. Believing in yourself is more than half the battle won. Surrounding yourself with positive people will make believing in yourself so much easier because they see your worth and your talents, your strength and beauty, all the wonderful things we, as humans, sometimes are incapable of seeing. It’s those people that make your life special and important and it’s those people you need in your life not the ones who wish to bring you down.

Another reason it is important to keep those close to you who love and support you is because they help you in times of need. As much as we all like to think we are independent and we can manage our problems on our own, sometimes we can’t and having a great support network will provide fantastic coping mechanisms for your problems. Real relationships containing people who really care about you will not let you go through problems by yourself.  They will support you and help you best you can and make sure you don’t feel alone, in sometimes the hardest and darkest of times.

I suppose to finish this section on surrounding yourself with positivity and great people is to talk about how you know if someone is there for you. Well if you surround yourself with the right people then you will never feel like a burden or problem and issue to those people. Those people will always want the best for you and encourage you to reach your full potential. They love and support everything about and wants what best for you.  The people you want in your life are those sorts of people and no the ones who use you and lie to you and make you feel so worthless. Thankfully now I have realised how wrong about some of the people in my life and now they are gone I can finally move on and not be held back anymore and be who I am and know that those around me support me and my decisions.

Not everyone in your life is meant to stay and some just enter to teach you some very important lessons. Don’t allow for people to make you feel worthless or like you or aren’t anything important and won’t achieve anything because t’s not true and you can be only be good as the people you allow to surround yourself with and you can only achieve what you have the confidence to pursue. Don’t let them take that away from you and surround yourself with positivity and optimism.

Thank you so much for allowing me to express myself and to just can talk about what is on my mind. I hope this helps some of you in some way. I know as a child I struggled to find someone who was willing to stay in my life and accept me and didn’t just use me for one thing or another and somehow, I thought that became easier as you got older but it doesn’t. There’s all sorts of people in all walks of life and there are some who dying to see you fail so just don’t give them the satisfaction. Remain strong and those people who love will love everything about you and you will never have to change for them and they are the ones who are going to support you and they are the ones to keep close and dear to your heart. I love you all and I will see you very soon.

Lizzie X

Instagram: @thiz_is_lizzie_xx

Twitter: @Life_WithLizzie

G+: ElizabethWalton

February Favourites

Hello everyone!

Happy March!!! I cannot believe we are already in March. Time is going by so quick, I really cannot believe it! It seems like just yesterday that February had started and now we are in March. Anyway, I hope you had a fantastic February and I hope you all have great March with lots of new experiences and memories!! I am sure it will be amazing. Today I am just going to share with you a few things I was loving throughout February and items I kept going back to and using on a daily basis!

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The first thing I have enjoyed using is this Urban Decay Naked Palette. I have never really used this palette. To be honest I would normally reach for my other Naked palettes over this one, however, I have been really enjoying this palette this month. I have been using it a few times a week (I don’t always wear eye shadow)and have just been getting along with it really well!

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I feel like this may have already been in a favourites post… I am not sure! Nevertheless, I love this spray so much! It smells incredible and lasts so long. They aren’t priced too bad either. I would definitely recommend checking out the Hollister body sprays because they’re great. If you like the Victoria Secret ones, then you will like this too! They just smell so good!!!!!
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This is just a little, black dress I brought from Boohoo earlier this month for my date on Valentines Day. I did wear this dress for that date but I have been wearing it since as well. It is super stretchy material and so is super comfy. It fits really nicely. It fits in at the waist and then flares out which I find really suit my figure. It is such a simple dress and such a staple for your wardrobe. You cannot go wrong with a little, black dress. It was only £12 I believe so it was fantastic value for money! I have been really liking Boohoo for clothing at the moment. It is so affordable and I just really like some of the pieces they have on there! Would definitely recommend checking them out!
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I LOVE my Adidas Superstar trainers. They are my favourite. They are so comfortable and I wear them literally every single day, no word of a lie!! I don’t know how they have not been featured in a favourites post before now! I love them so much. They are so simple and go with everything and just brings your outfit together. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them!
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I only brought this not all that long ago in all honesty. I think oral hygiene is so important and I always like to make sure that I am taking the best care of my teeth that I possibly can. This is my new favourite toothpaste! I love it. It really does brighten your teeth and leave them feeling so nice and clean and healthy. For those of you who have asked, I have never whitened my teeth ever, I just tend to use a Colgate toothpaste (it does change sometimes) and Listerine mouthwash.  
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This is a Sally Hansen nail varnish in the shade 230 Jolly Jade. I have this nail varnish a while and I am not sure what made me start wearing this shade but either way I have really enjoyed wearing it and it has looked super pretty on my nails. It is a good quality nail varnish that dries quick and lasts really well. You only need to apply one coat as well. Would recommend Sally Hansen nail varnishes. 
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I love this cardigan. So I got this cardigan from Hollister about a year ago now and it has been one of my favourite items in my wardrobe since. I have just found that I have been wearing this cardigan a tonne lately. It is so soft and comfy and the colours are beautiful. I love it!!
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Lastly, I have this little, black bag from DKNY. I love this  bag. It is so simple and classic. It goes with every outfit and it is  the perfect size. It’s not too big that I put lots of items in there but it is the perfect size to fit  in all my essential items in. I love this bag!

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I hope you have all enjoyed this post! Let me know you too have been loving throughout the month of February and if you have any suggestions or recommendations of things I should try out! Thank you so much for reading and I will see you very soon!! Much love,

Lizzie X

 

 

 

 

Damaged

Hello everyone!

Welcome back to another post. We are now approaching the mid-point of January and so far things have been going okay really. I have started my fitness and eating plan, which is going well and so I feel great about that. Also, I have started back university yet as I don’t have any January exams which is really nice and I am definitely really pleased about that! However, like any year I always get ‘January blues’ and I have no idea why to be honest. I am always super excited for the New Year and always have great goals and ambitions for the new year but in January I was always feel it. I think it’s probably because it’s just after Christmas and the New Year and work and everything starts again and you have just enjoyed taking a little time off to spend with your loved ones. Anyway, I today I am going to talk to you about something quite personal and something which I have been able to reflect on, especially after a rather stressful year last year but also after a couple of years with a lot of change and challenges for me. Taking a break from work and uni so far has allowed me to really reflect on my life so far, especially the past 3 or 4 years where so much has happened, so that I can make positive changes to things this year.  Normally I don’t have this much time to properly reflect on the previous years so I can decide and what went well and what changes I would like to make to ensure I make the most out of the new year.  So today I am talking about being emotional damaged, something which I know am and which in previous years has held be back from things.

Things probably changed for me about just over four years ago, for me now, which places me in year 10 at school. Until then I had just dealt with normal teen struggles (bullying, fitting in, body confidence and finding out who you are as a person, deciding whether you wanted to stay on at sixth form or college) – those sorts of struggles. They weren’t really nothing that I hadn’t been able to get used to over my school life –  especially the bullying, popularity and body confidence. I had those problems for years prior to this so I had come quite accustomed to those struggles.

I was very much a person who wore their heart on the sleeve. I was rather naïve really. I thought everyone was nice, just like me and didn’t want to hurt anyone and had genuine intentions. Little did I Know!! Some people say I was I brave for wearing my heart on my sleeve and seeing the best in people, but others just argue I was stupid and I totally get that. I was! I was naïve and just saw the best in everyone even when they weren’t that nice to me.  However, from the hard way I realised that people really weren’t the same as me. If you go through your life thinking people have the same heart as you, you will get hurt. Unfortunately, people just are no that kind.  Believe me I learnt this the hard way. Even when people were horrible to me, I refused to believed that they were horrible and still always spoke about their best bits.

Anyway, year 10 was when I began becoming interested in my boys and relationships. I don’t know what I was thinking! No matter how bad things were, looking back I wouldn’t change what happened because it has shaped me into a much wiser and stronger person. I think from this moment on, my life collapsed and things were a disaster for me.

So, I liked this guy and did tried so hard to impress him but he was with someone else, so I just moved on and said nothing and kept my feelings closed. Months later though, they broke up and we started talking. Yes…mistake number one you can already see right there. I was a rebound. Little, naïve me at the time didn’t realise this though and was so happy with the fact we had started talking. It never even occurred for me because I thought they were so nice. Anyway, I didn’t find out a lot of this information about the relationship until I broke things off. However, the whole time we were talking, he was still speaking to his ex, which I didn’t realise otherwise we wouldn’t have dated. I didn’t know that so we started dating after a whole load of drama which I don’t want to go into depth about for personal reasons. Things were never easy because his friends didn’t like me and my friends didn’t like him for how he was treating me and to be honest you know how school relationships go, everyone get involved and it ends up making the situation ten times worse! Things went on and we continued to date but we hardly saw each other because of my strict parents and everything but that is a whole new story but what happened with my parents affected much later on really. He told me he loved and that I was beautiful and I believed him. I was so stupid right then. There were always quite a few problems because of the various parties who kept getting involved. Anyway, I remember this day vividly unfortunately. I was at a competition for Dragon’s den getting ready to present my idea, and if you know me you know I hate speaking so I was terrified anyway, but just before I had to go I got a text from my best friend saying that he had cheated. That day I literally felt like my world had ended and things were a nightmare. I cried so hard. I couldn’t understand it. He was still in love with his ex and I was just a rebound. It absolutely broke me and destroyed me. I ended because I had the power to say that I wasn’t going to be option and so removed the choice from him.

The situation is made worse by the fact that she is horrible and didn’t deserve him at all. He could do so much better than her. He was funny, cute and intelligent. He was so talented and he was great. She had messed him up so bad with her cheating on him and his persuasive lies. She knew exactly what to say and do. Even after all the lies, messing me around and cheating I didn’t hate him – not even close. I felt sorry for him. He had lost someone who supported him and though the world of him for someone who didn’t care less. It was so hurtful. I was a mess. My first crush, love and heartbreak all in one.  I loved him or so I thought. Now I know it wasn’t love. I didn’t know what to do with myself. How could someone betray you like that and use you? How could you lie to someone and hurt them that way?

It was all far too much, especially if you consider the months of arguments and falling out because of lies and rumors whilst we were talking. I can’t even begin to describe to explain some of the stuff. What he doesn’t know is how much I took for him. I was willing to look past the rumors, lies and hate to be with him. I even with stood all the bullying from his ex. The bullying was a whole new level. It went way too far but I took it all and never told him. She would spread rumors about me, spend me horrible texts messages all the time and get her friends to do the same, write statuses about me, spread rumors on the internet. You name it. She did it. She made my life a living hell and continued to until the very day when we left school at the end of year 11.

Of course, I kept all this to myself I didn’t want anyone to know what I was going through. The bullying kept getting worse, got even more intense. I began to hate myself. I use to cry myself to sleep at night. Some night I couldn’t sleep or eat because I was so sad. My life had been completely normal and within about 6 months by life had become a mess. I had been a rebound and joke of the school and the victim the worst cyber bullying and bullying I had ever experienced. From then on… I just wasn’t the same and never have been.

The worst part was I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand how cruel people could be. I didn’t understand why people felt the need to tear others apart to make them feel better about themselves. I didn’t understand why people we so vindictive and cruel. I could never do the same… I would never be able to hurt them the way they hurt me.

I never really moved on from him. Things didn’t change. He did apologise after she cheated on him and made him feel so bad about himself. He knew what he had done and how he had made me feel. For a time, we were friends. I don’t hold grudges. I forgive people. I just do. I don’t see the point of holding onto hate. I just never forget. I couldn’t change the past so I needed to let go and accept it. I liked him too and secretly I knew he was a really nice person and he is everyone. Things didn’t really improve though. We went through a phase of liking each other again only for me to find out he liked someone else. Then we started seeing each other a couple of months later but that ended when I knew he liked someone else. In fact, she was one of my best friends. I Knew as well she didn’t like him. She wanted to have her first boyfriend. I had to watch the guy I loved, be with my best friend. In fact, he even asked for my advice on how to get with her and of course I helped them both. I still wanted him to be happy even though I told him her intentions. Of course, he didn’t believe me and thought I was just saying that to keep them from being together. He soon realised though. This time it was too late. I was gone. After that we didn’t speak again for a long time. We didn’t speak again for months and months on end. I had taken enough.

No, I don’t hate this person at all. In fact, we are now best friends. I felt sorry for him too. He put his faith and trust in all the wrong people and it got broken and he didn’t know how to recover. Everyone makes mistakes. I made mistakes when we went out. I know that and admit that. I know who I am and I know I am not perfect and I am a difficult person to be with. I am very guarded. We were both victims and both damaged in our own way. I am glad he has managed to work past through what happened and how he got hurt because now people can see him for how amazing he is. He is really nice person and pain changes people. He was hurting. Anyone could see that. She treated him so bad and was really awful to him. He tried to move on but whenever he made progress she would bring him back down and make him feel like he couldn’t move on. I’m glad he has though because now I can see him for everything I thought he was and it is nice to see the person I knew he was. I never gave in because I knew that just wasn’t him. I am glad we are such good friends because he is great friend to have!

For me, things were harder. Going through that, on top of all the other stuff which I am sure I will share at some point if I am feeling brave enough killed me. It killed me to see him happy with someone else. It killed me every time we walked by each other. Every time we looked at each other. I couldn’t have been humiliated any more. I couldn’t have felt worse.

I was a mess. I was so broken. I couldn’t let anyone in. Some of friends asked me out but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hurt him. I just couldn’t move on. Those two years in particular were the two worst of my life. Last year was bad but for another reason and last year I did have some fantastic times.  Those two years were dark times, filled with hate and tears.

The problem was I had put everyone else first. I then taught them that I could be a second option. I won’t change this though. I am just not a selfish person. I love helping people and for me that comes first. Everyone else and their needs come before mine. That’s how I am.

Pain does change people and that’s okay! My luck with guys didn’t get any better. Another guy liked me the same year and we spoke but he too lied to me. Pain has changed me and I won’t ever be the same. I just can’t be because I am too scared of getting hurt again.

I definitely wouldn’t change going through this though because it has helped me so much and made me who I am today. I know I don’t need to prove my worth to anyone. If they don’t love me for who I am and accept that then I don’t belong with them and that’s fine.

Going through what I have has taught me to stay strong. I created a lot of my heartbreak because of my high expectations but I am not going to apologise for that. I have principles and a moral compass and I would only be betraying myself if I didn’t stand by them and I am not prepared to that. If someone cannot respect boundaries and morals then they aren’t for me.

I thank this experience because it has shown my strength. I didn’t know how strong I was until I was torn apart my people to barely nothing. I felt worthless and useless. I had never felt worse about myself. They say damaged people are the most dangerous because they know they can survive and I agree. I have been at my lowest and I know I can get back up and keep moving forwards and that’s a great lesson to have learnt. No matter what someone throws at me now. I know I can make it through it and come out the other side much stronger and a better person.

I have been through more hell than what you know but that’s what give my beauty an edge. Its raw, unperfect and damaged. I am emotionally damaged and scared but that’s what makes me so pretty and fierce. It’s beautiful that I can still love and trust even though I have been hurt and damaged.

I know trust takes years to build up but can be destroyed in seconds with one mistake. I am careful about who I trust. I trust virtually no one. Everyone in my life has lied to me, turned against me and left me. They have broken promises and I don’t hate them for it. I thank them. I know now the value of trust and that you cannot just trust anyone. Trust is special and should only be given to those who deserve it.  At the end of the day. Every time you form a relationship or friendship you take a risk.

I believe at one point I felt so much and so much pain, I felt nothing at all anymore. I had felt it all. I became numb. I was so young and so damaged and still am. It still messes me up now. I have huge trust issues, paranoid and so insecure about myself. I will always wonder what I did wrong to deserve what I went through. It completely broke the faith in me. I want to be able to trust again and not be so paranoid. Not being able to sleep or having nightmare every night isn’t fun. In some ways, I want to be my old self. Where I wore my heart on sleeve, saw the beauty and good in everyone and saw the world to be the fantastic place it is. I know now though it’s not realistic. To save myself form more hurt, I cannot be like that! I wish too that I didn’t push people away out of fear of getting hurt again/ It make me hard to love because I am guarded. I feel more than most people, but I have put up certain defenses to not show this so I don’t get hurt again.

It’s sad too because he had built me up to feel fantastic and then it all fell apart and shattered right before my eyes. No reason or explanation. I am damaged and vulnerable but I am no less valuable.  For me, the scars you cannot see are the hardest to heal.

However, being this young and damaged isn’t going to set me back. I have still have had some fantastic years and moments since. Some of the best memories and experiences of my life. One thing it hasn’t done is damaged my ambition and dreams. I still set goals way beyond what I can reach. I know I can make it though perhaps one day.

I find people who have been through what I have inspiring. No matter how challenging or difficult their lives get or how damaged someone is, there is nothing more inspiring than their courage to put on a smile and to love for others and see the good in them. I know the most beautiful people are the ones who have known defeat, known suffering, struggle, loss and have found their way out of those horrible depths.

The point to all this is rambling is that even though I don’t appear it, I am damaged but aren’t we all. Those experiences as terrible as they were and taught me some of the best lessons in life and have given me some of the wisest advice.  It’s okay to be damaged and not be okay! I promise you. Time heals things and you have to din your own coping mechanisms. It’s about taking those experiences and learning from them to build yourself and support your future. You can’t change the past however terrifying it was, but you can change the future. It’s not nice living through it, especially with the consequences it has upon you but you can’t keep re-reading old chapters. You can’t progress.

So, that’s the first time I have spoken about this ever. I don’t know how I have done but I know I have been an emotional mess writing. I am thankful for writing this though because this where I can draw the line and move on. It’s over. I am not continuing to drag this into this year like I have done in previous years. I will always be damaged and that’s okay as long as I use the lessons wisely. I cannot believe how tears this has provoked but thank you for listening and reading this. I hope It helps you on some way and I appreciate your support and for allowing me to be pure and raw and open about my feelings. It’s nice to be able to speak about them and feel safe and secure so I can now at last close this chapter and start a fresh. Thank you for the lessons! They will come in good use! Of course, I am still going to have feelings about this they aren’t ever going to go away entirely but I sure try my best. Thank you so much and I love you all lots!

Lizzie X

DON’T STOP BELIEVING IN YOURSELF!

 

She said she could.. so she did!

Hey guys!

How are you all doing? Christmas is just around the corner and that also means the end of the year is fast approaching. With that been said, I thought I would help give you a little motivation to make 2017 your year and to help ensure you take as many opportunities as possible, create amazing new memories and have some fantastic experiences.

The start of the New Year is always a chance to change and make things better for yourself. I won’t go into detail about my New Year’s resolutions in this post because I have another planned where they will be included so I will explain them in-depth in that post. I have however been inspired to write this post by a few of my friends. Recently a few of them have experienced relationship problems and gone through some terrible things and it has left them feeling really down and upset about things. They turned to me for advice and support and of course I was there for them because they’re my friends and I love them and to be honest I wish they would smile because I hate to see them hurting and so upset, it’s just not them. They are the nicest people. They’re so kind, loving and upbeat people so it’s been horrible seeing them go through what they have. None of them deserve it at all. Anyway, relationships and breakups affect people differently for different reasons, and I should know that because I have been through my fair share of bad situations with relationships which I think helped them because I genuinely understood them because I had been in their situation at one point or another.

“She said she could… so she did!”

This is my attitude going into the New Year and this is one I have tried to influence my friends with because I know what is like to be in their position. I know what is like to feel low and self-conscious and feel like you aren’t good enough for anyone or that you aren’t good enough to achieve your dreams.

The amount of power people can sometimes hold over you and make you feel a certain a way is horrible and it shouldn’t be like and it’s not like that but you must find the strength within yourself first.

I know how hard this. Whether it’s coming out of a relationship or being bullied or just having a hard time in life. In all situations, you feel everything is against you and nothing is going right.

When you come out of a relationship you are vulnerable. ‘Love is giving someone the power to destroy you but hoping they don’t.’ Your trust has just been broken and you have now lost someone you loved on depended on and obviously the damaged caused by relationships is all dependent on what went wrong. For me, relationships damaged me badly. My problem was I used to be naïve and trust people quite easy. I believed what they said and trust me, the first time when it all blew up I was devastated. I don’t remember hurting so much or feeling so angry, upset and confused about myself. It changed me so much. I was no longer the same trusting, loving little girl I use to be. I was a lot stronger and harder. I didn’t let people in anymore because I was afraid of being hurt again. I was afraid of someone treating that way and making me feel worthless and insecure that I was not prepared to put myself through it again. I didn’t want to be hurt and I certainly no longer believed in happy endings. Love definitely wasn’t the romances in films!

For a time, this stopped me from doing lots of things because I feared meeting people and forming friendships because I was scared of getting hurt and them walking away or becoming disinterested in me. I missed out on so many opportunities. Thankfully, after time I did begin to trust again and allow me self to open up to others. However, I by no means the same as I was. When I was younger it was my dream to get, married and have my dad walk me down the aisle but now I am quite cynical the whole idea of marriage and commitment quite honestly terrifies me but that’s not going to be some years yet anyway so need to worry about that.

The point to this is that time to does heel things and if you are confident within yourself then people don’t have the power to destroy you. I am content enough with myself that nobody else depicts my happiness or my opportunities or what can/ going to do with my life. Going through the experience as horrible as it was and no matter how hard it was and much I cried and hated myself has made me stronger today and I now realise it is me in control of my happiness and me who makes the decisions and nobody else otherwise I would forever be living someone else’s life. That’s why every day should be a great day and full opportunity and experiences. No matter what experiences you have, what pain you have felt, it has all happened for a reason and taught you something. I now know that I wake up every morning with a choice: I can choose to be happy or I let everyone else depict my happiness for me and I know which one makes sense.

This sense of self-worth and insecurity comes from all walks in life. I know the damage bullying causes to your self-esteem but that’s a whole new story. However, if you do want more advice and help on what I have just spoke about or about my bullying as a child and how I overcame that then feel free to ask and I will be more than happy to help because another thing I have learned is that speaking about your problems helps. It really does. Don’t ever feel like you’re the only one going through those problems or experiencing those issues because chances are other people are in the same position as you are and it’s okay to have a bad day and not be okay these things happen but what I am saying is no matter what has happened this year (good/bad) don’t let that predict the next year to come and the years after that. Look forward to the start of 2017 as a new chapter in your life. A place to start new ideas and new innovations. Grow and develop as person. Take risks and opportunities. Take chances and just live the life you want. Don’t let anyone else tell you can’t do something because quite often they say that because they are jealous or can’t do it themselves. If your New Year’s resolution is to lose weight don’t let anyone discourage you and stick at because that’s one of mine, so we can do it together. Find that support system and don’t be afraid to depend on them and let them help and support you. If you want to travel, take steps towards that. If you want to better your grades, find out what you can do. Whatever it is that you want to this forthcoming year make sure you do it and be happy! Don’t have regrets and live in the moment because you never know what is just around the corner. We are very blessed and lucky people and often through hard times, bad situations, or mixing with the wrong people we forget that an forget to appreciate our worth and purpose because we all belong here for a reason and we have something different to say and some different talents to offer. Be you and be happy with who you are!

That’s the message I have been trying to get through my friends whilst they are in their dark moments and I think it has really helped me. At the start of this Year after a very rough end to the previous year, I changed mindset to this way and although I have had a few bumps along the way, 2016 has been a fantastic year and has brought me many fantastic memories, experiences and people who I am forever thankful for and it’s all because I had courage to believe in my own ability and strength. Don’t get me wrong, every day I am still learning and developing in confidence and learning to love myself more and be happy but I now know what power I have over myself and my life and it’s nice to know the difference it has made. Therefore, I look forward to a great 2017 full of many great opportunities, experience and memories. A positive mindset, a little courage and belief goes a long way. If you don’t believe in yourself and love yourself then who will? You are special and you are good enough. Believe me, having a little confidence within yourself and knowing you are fine by yourself and you don’t need anybody else will open up whole new world or opportunities. For me it meant this year I could finally start thing blog like I had always to, I could go travelling and experience new cultures and places, it meant I could move away to uni and find my own independence and freedom and meet some of the most amazing people. Just please find the strength to have a little belief in yourself to say yes! You owe yourself the best life possible and you deserve to be happy and doing what you love.

I hope you all have great success with the forthcoming year and with your New Year’s resolution or just for making a great life for yourself. I am excited for 2017 and to start the new chapter in my life. I have no doubt that it will be great and I am sure will have a fantastic year full of new experiences, good and bad, with lots more memories and experiences. Life is a climb and just don’t forget to enjoy and make the most of every moment. I love you all lots!

Lizzie X