How are you all doing? I hope you’re having a fantastic week so far and enjoying your day. Today I share with you a different type of post but one very personal and close to my heart. One year ago I lost my Grandma. It was all sort of sudden and no one really expected her to pass away but life takes unexpected twists and turns. Of course, as anyone who has lost someone you are very sad and miss them so much.
Today On the anniversary of her death I just felt like I wanted to speak to you all about my feelings. I am positive most of you will understand what it is like to lose loved ones and although time does make it easier the feelings don’t change and you don’t forget. This post is only going up late today because I didn’t know how to write it or express my feelings.. it’s hard. It’s a confusing time.
I knew for clarity and peace of mind that I just go and visit the grave. I found this incredibly hard visiting but this was only the second time I had been in the year since she sadly passed and the first time I had seen the grave with the headstone in place. To be honest I am glad I have been and visited and paid my respects. Even though I felt heartache and sadness I felt some sense of relief after almost like a sense of guilt had been lifted.
It’s not that I didn’t love her or that I don’t miss her as to why I don’t visit, I just struggle with cemeteries and have done my whole life. I have never liked the idea of visiting. I don’t like the idea of visiting and seeing a gravestone. I personally just prefer remember them the way they were but that’s just me. Not to say I don’t visit because I do I just find it harder than some to go and see them.
Anyway a year has gone by since this tragic event and I still love and miss you the same perhaps in different ways but the feelings are there. Sometimes I get sad seeing old photographs or being reminded of things we use to do but then I know it was real and we had great times and memories forever.
Since the year has gone by lots has changed for me and lots of happened and on clear nights I still like to look up at the stars and hope that she is watching down over me and is proud of the decisions I have made and the things I have achieved but more importantly the person I have grown into and will continue to change and grow.
Love and miss you always Grandma and I hope you’re happy now and I am glad you aren’t suffering anymore. I’ll come and visit you again, I promise so!