Welcome back! How are you all? I hope you are all having a lovely day/evening! Today I have a post quite personal and close to the heart. I have struggled my whole life with insecurities and being insecure. I have been really insecure and still am to a degree but to much of less degree than I was. Today I share my insecurities and some ways I have used to help overcome them. It is a long process and I am very much still learning and developing and becoming self assured but I thought I would share my journey so far!
We all have them right? We all have insecurities. Little things that dwindle away in our minds, making us more conscious and feel less of a person. When people first meet me they will think I am a strong person, I put a guard up and don’t let anyone in but when people get in they realise just how insecure I really am.
I really despise being so insecure. It bothers me and frustrates me so much. I shouldn’t be so insecure. However, I guess there are only so many times you can hear a certain phrase or opinion about you before you start to eventually feel it. Of course I know why I am insecure but that doesn’t change the fact that I am.
One of my problems is I definitely over think everything and I mean everything! It becomes so hard for me to shut off and not. However, the reality is I then start imagining things and sort of self-torment. I will make up situations and imagine things that will never happen and create barriers where there needs to be none and cause friction for no apparent reason. If you also imagine the worse like me, then just let go. Stop expecting the worse and being pessimistic and focus on the positives and everything that could go well.
I also tend to get stuck in the ‘certainty trap’. Needing constant reassurance and love. Yeah okay I am damaged and things have happened to me but they don’t need to pay the price for what someone else did to me or for other things that happened. Trust me, please try and avoid this. It all does is create unnecessary strain and tension in the relationship. The more you get comfortable with the unknown and the uncertainty the more you become self-assured as a person because you become okay with being on your own and not having constant reassurance from another person allows you to be okay with who you are and not be afraid of being on your own. Space and time are really good healing factors for insecurity. Of course you want someone to love you but you don’t want to be suffocated either. It’s all about finding the balance. So you can both be individuals and okay with yourself but be happy together.
Another thing to help overcome insecurity in relationships is to stop mind reading. Stop trying to work out what the other person is thinking. All that does is build up a wall of imaginary doubt where there should none. Chances are if they have to tell you something, they will. Just stop trying to figure out every move and decision. They are their own person and they do need their own space and you don’t have to know 24/7 what they are doing or thinking.
This tip is essential. Don’t compare past relationships to the current one. Chances are neither of you want the details of past relationships and neither of you want to be reminded of them. They were all in the past so drop it and let it go. They’re irrelevant now. It happened. It was in the past so forget about it and move on. You can’t spend your time living in the past because you will never be able to move forward. If you can’t be okay with someone and accept their past then end it there and then. It will be easier and cause far less tension. Plus bringing up past relationships just encourages you to compare yourself to other people and that’s when insecurities form.
I guess the whole message behind this post is to not let your insecurities and the doubt others have placed in your mind push away the people who are there for you and love you for who you are. It’s hard but if they say they love you, have a little faith and believe; if they say they care – trust them with that. If they say that you’re beautiful or give you a nice compliment, stop second guessing it and accept it and be thankful. The more you question someone and things they say or do the more you drive them away and one day you will realise you had the world, someone who was there through it all because you find it hard to trust.
I know for one that it isn’t just this simple and everyone has reasons why they don’t trust people or have these insecurities but one day, your time will come and you just won’t even care what people say or think because you will find that place where you are happy with who you are. It takes time to trust people, but you will have to gradually let that wall down and it will be scary, you will feel extremely vulnerable and exposed but either you will find someone for life or just have some great experiences learn another lesson.
Letting your guard down will inevitably bring hurt and tears but you cannot hide away from that your whole life. It terrified me at first and it is a long process. I have been dating this person for almost two years now and every day I still have to focus on developing and moving forward and not letting those insecurities ruin something fantastic and the best two years of my life. Yeah we have highs and lows, that’s normal it’s not going to run smoothly the whole time but in those low points you can’t let those insecurities take over. You know there is something there so vanish that doubt, don’t create little fights and arguments for no reason and support and build each other. You will both have them and both need the help so just support each other and you will come out the other side much stronger. Be patient!
Thank you so much for reading and sorry for the long post. If this person reads this post, and he will know who he is, then I hope he knows just how special he is and also just a massive thank you for putting up with me whilst I had to go through all these stages and sticking by me through everything. Your support and patience is really second to one, and you’re my rock and couldn’t ask for anyone better. I really appreciate it all!! Of course thank you to all you that also read my blog daily and for allowing me to express myself and write about anything that comes to mind and believe so passionately about. Your support also is truly amazing and I am very grateful. See you soon everyone!